SCH Theater: Pittsburgh Fans Have Sensitive Ears - A One Act Play and A True Story

I will expect to see this at the Goodman very soon – staring Gary Sinise as Matthew and Robert Loggia as Grandfather #1. Make it happen.

side note: that truly is hilarious that the grandfather swears in order to get his point across about not swearing in front of his granddaughter. Claaaaassy.

but I was at a Hawks game in 90 something, I know that Chelios and Roenick were playing, and Koharski was the ref. Roenick got called for tripping because a detroit douche-bag stepped on Roenicks stick, after Roenick blew by him on a break out. I was up in the rare air of the 300 section, albeit on the rail, and I stood up and started screaming “Koharski Dies!”, “Fuck You Koharski!”, among other semi-appropriate bon-mottes. When I turned around to find my beer, (only 4.50 each back then), I noticed that there was a 60 something year old with his grandson and granddaughter. The boy was no more than 6 and the girl might have been 8. I have no doubt that my face was bright red from screaming, and I also have no doubt that it got redder when I saw the little kids.
The Grandpa then looked at me, and said “Yeah! You tell him! See kids, I told you that hockey games are great!”

Granddaughter: Grandpa, which one is that girl Sidney, she’s my favorite!

Grandfather #1: We’ve been over this before darlin, Sidney is a boy, he just has soft features, and he’s not playing tonight.

Unnamed Blackhawks fan: Jury’s still out on the whole gender thing Gramps.

Grandfather #2: Oh he’s a boy, we’ve got pictures to prove it.

Unnamed Blackhawks fan: Oh, um…..

Amazingly, Matthew is able to watch his mouth and doesn’t even yell “What the fuck are you doing, Barker!?!” once throughout the entire game.

I am truly impressed, good sir.

…have you thought about casting yet?

Dirt,

You’re a latter-day J.M. Synge.

Some nude vomiting and bloodsport, and you’re ready for Victory Gardens.

Put some blood in there, show someone getting hurt… a groin injury! Put the fuckin’ map of Florida in the background, get some tits in there!

thing to do here is to go buy a couple of Cokes and accidentally spill them onto the floor in front of you. For the $6 it costs you it always annoys the shit out of people when they’ve got to endure a sticky floor for a couple of hours and it’s just innocent enough that you can’t really get blamed for it.

is almost sure to grow up a Hawks fan now. Especially since they no doubt had the radio on in the car (VERSTEEG!) while making the early escape from the parking lot because their collective blood-pressures can’t handle post-game traffic. Way to go grumpy-assed grandpas!

It never ceases to amaze me how people can get so far off-the-rails at sporting events. If you didn’t want your child, or in this case grandchild, to hear any vulgarity then take them to a Disney movie or keep them inside the house and home school them because I’m sure they hear even worse at the playground. Does it mean you can go off on a rage of “fucks” all night? No. But a slight slippage of vulgar vocabulary is bound to happen at a sporting event, especially in game like that.
It annoys me to no end how other people try to dictate the level of behaviour deemed appropriate at a game and expect you to follow their rules (in this case become a choir boy) when you have paid the same amount of money to enter the sporting event.

I wish I’d thought to say the same thing to the guys behind me yapping during the beginning of the anthem (either stay quiet or cheer through the whole thing—well, I guess only Chicago does the latter).

I was there by myself in Hawks red in a painful upper level seat surrounded by Pens fans with the closest Hawks fan a couple rows away, but there were lots of us there. it was actually the first time I’ve been to any pro sports event to clearly root for the opposing team (I saw a Cubs game in St. Louis once but was sort of incognito). it went well; now I’ve got to go through about 300 photos of the arena, warmups, game, and fans and write about it elsewhere…

what?

going to turn into a full length movie?

I swear around little kids all the time – go shopping with the Kid (he’s almost 25) and we browse toy aisles for fun. There’s always swearing coming out of my mouth, but no one’s told me off yet.

Actually, I used to swear around the Kid all the time, and he rarely swears.

but I think I’d be compelled to run through the list of “approved” and “forbidden” words with Grandpa.

OK, so “f’ing” is banned, but “bulls*t” is OK. what’s the ruling on “c*cks*ker”? and how about “motherf*er”? and so on ….

Doooonnnnnttttttt stop bellllieveinnnnnnn