Annual Detroit First Round Chokers and Suck Post

by alpo on Apr 11, 2009 2:28 AM CDT

In the spirit of rivalry, I have compiled a little tirade against the Detroit Red Wings. I hate everything about the Detroit Red Wings. Their players are a collection of European fairies. Even worse are their fans and organization (ownership and tradition) who piss me the hell off. I have never met fans with a bigger sense of entitlement than Red Wings fans. They are easily the biggest collection of whiners and ego ever assembled.

Let’s begin with the concept of Detroit being Hockeytown. You are not Hockeytown. You possess a trademark proclaiming you are Hockeytown, but there are no intangible reasons you could be considered Hockeytown. I will gladly push aside my intense American patriotism to admit ANY town in Canada is 1000 time more qualified be considered Hockeytown. Hockey is pretty much ONLY sport Canadians follow, play and breathe. You guys can’t even sell out your stadium. I see more Detroiters (is that what they are called?) in the stands for Pistons games (hahahhaha) and Lions games (hahahaha x50). Face it, you guy were lucky that Mike Illitch is an skilled businessman and possessed a damn good marketing department. Kinda I guess b/c some town in Minnesota was the originally Hockeytown, they just weren’t big enough douchebags to trademark it.

You guys like to look down upon us Blackhawk fans because of our struggles. That’s fine. But unlike being a Red Wings fan, it took a shit ton of effort to be a Hawk fan. The previous owner, Dollar Bill, did everything in his capacity to prevent the formation of a strong fan base. Awful draft picks, talent let go for cash money reasons and a string of Wirtz soldier GM’s made it impossible to be one. How do you follow a team with Michal Grosek, Boris Mirinov, Bob Probert (Started a Wings cunt…Always a Wings cunt), Kevin Dean, Alexander Fucking Karpotsev, <insert garbage player here>.

Tradition. The octopus. Dumb.

Finally I want to come to the most satisfying part of my rant. First round chokes. It’s a theme w/ the Red Wings. I like it. Now that’s a tradition I can get used to. I see no reason this year should be any different. CHRIS OSGOOD IS YOUR PLAYOFF GOALIE! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Has there ever been a better example of the combination of arrogance and idiocy displayed. Just because Chris Osgood won a cup last year doesn’t mean he will do it this year. He sucks. He has tried to “turn it on” many times. He has failed….many times. I can’t wait till Getzlaf goes apeshit during the series. I’m sorry but Anaheim is one fucking scary team. You guys certainly got the raw end with this one. But that’s good. I hate you guys.

Red Wings Suck. Home Ice Bitches! Wooooooooooooooo!

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Comments

Hockeytown = a completely farcical call.

SWYD

by gallagher on Apr 11, 2009 3:22 AM CDT reply actions

Another one to add to the list...

…Just added a 9-year contract to Franzen so Pronger can give him another concussion! Too Funny DETROIT SUCKS!!!!

by hawks61 on Apr 11, 2009 10:17 AM CDT reply actions

Hilarious

Better Dead Than Red

Detroit….what a joke

by 4Feather on Apr 11, 2009 10:32 AM CDT reply actions

dino sissyareli was the worst

"Oh, that's easy. White Sox. I'm not one of these fair-weather fans. You go to Wrigley Field, you have a beer; beautiful people up there. People aren't watching the game. It's not serious. White Sox, that's baseball. South Side." -O'Bama

by Hawk is God on Apr 11, 2009 2:55 PM CDT reply actions

New poster here....

…Detroit sucks.

by Hawks North on Apr 12, 2009 11:45 AM CDT reply actions

Blackhawks What?

Just another fan jealous of Wings Cups!

by Curtisro63 on Apr 12, 2009 6:05 PM CDT reply actions

BOOOOOOOO

NOW STOP IT RIGHT HERE

by mjthor on Apr 13, 2009 8:50 AM CDT up reply actions

Addendum

Ok….so St. Louis thinks they a good team and jumped to the 6th seed to play Vancouver. Can anyone say S W E E P? But this also fucked up my post. Now Detroit faces Columbus instead of Anaheim. Fine. I still feel really confident that Detroit will choke the first round for a couple of reasons:

1. Steve Mason is unreal and the anti-Chris Ogood
2. Rick Nash is a beast and unlike another Central team the Red Wings don’t have his kryptonite……T.J. Oshie
3. Trap Trap Trap Trap

So here are my predictions for the series:
Game 1: Columbus 8 Red Wings 0
Game 2: Columbus 5 Red Wings 3
Game 3: Columbus 3 Red Wings 1
Game 4: Columbus 10 Red Wings 0

Columbus easily in a sweep. Chris Osgood lets in 26 soft goals b/c he sucks. Datsyuk cries b/c people stop calling him underrated and acknowledge he sucks too.

by alpo on Apr 13, 2009 12:05 AM CDT reply actions

I also would like to commend all the fans at the United Center for a fantastic Detroit Sucks chant. I heard it crystal clear through the WGN online radio feed.

Hip Hip Hooray

by alpo on Apr 13, 2009 12:16 AM CDT up reply actions

the opposing engineer sleeps alone

So, I’m new here and about to make myself extremely unpopular, but what the hell…

I grew up in the Detroit area and have lived in Chicago for 15 years now. I moved to Chicago during the last recession, because there was actual opportunity here (for employment). I am a lifelong Wings fan and started going to Hawks games when I moved here, not because they were any good, but because I love hockey. So, naturally I have come to love the Hawks over time (even though they have been extremely hard to love for most of the last 15 years) and am excited to see them doing so well now. However, a couple of points on the above:

1) You should let Detroit have “Hockeytown”. There is in fact a long tradition of hockey in the city and the state, and they really have not much else to be proud of at this point.

2) When you see empty stands at the Joe, it is not an indication that people don’t care about the Wings. It is because so many people in Michigan cannot afford to go to the games or might even be afraid to go to that part of town.

3) I don’t get the sense that Wings fans look down on Hawks fans any more than is necessary for some basic inter-team competition and rivalry. As far as I can tell, the whole rest of the hockey world had sympathy for the fans when the ownership was so unfriendly and the team was sucking, and is now happy to see a venerable, original sex team back in the running for the cup. I have noticed that Hawks fans have a bit of an inferiority complex. I can relate to that, since Detroiters have an inferiority complex about everything except their hockey team.

4) We’ll see on the choke thing. It certainly has been a problem for the Wings at times in the past. On the other hand, they’ve won 4 cups in recent memory. How many people on this board were even born when the Hawks last won one?

by Alien Rendel on Apr 16, 2009 2:52 PM CDT reply actions

1) Detroit has many things to be proud of… like the Lions!!! They have helped most of the nations football teams look better!

2) If they can not afford to buy a saet for a game, they don’t like the team. I ate Ramen noodles for lunch and dinner for TWO MONTHS to get season tickets one year. And that was in 2005. I was still proud to say I had them. I say if the Dead Wrons go through what the Hawks have for the past 10 years, they would have at least 3 fans left. maybe.

3) I have had beer wasted and thrown on me when I wore my White CHELIOS hawks jersey to a Dead Wrongs – Flames game. Last year. And CHELIOS was playing for the Dead Wrongs that night!!!

4) I hope the Dead Wrongs Choke like my first girlfriend!!! And I was born the year they won it last.

by burpchelischili on Apr 17, 2009 10:40 AM CDT up reply actions