Breaking News: Patrick Kane Arrested After Altercation with Cab Driver. Also, Is a Dumb Young Kid
by Killion on Aug 9, 2009 1:32 PM CDT
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Let me set the scene for you - it's finally great warm summer weekend. You're slightly hungover from the night before but you've already downed several pints of water and a handful of Advil. You're out taking your dog for a nice long walk enjoying the sunshine. Suddenly, your phone rings and you have a text message. "You're gonna have to write about this, I'm in the middle of a fantasy draft" says one Sam Fels. "The fuck?", you think.
Before you can put the phone back in your pocket you get another text, "Patrick Kane deserves to be thrown in jail and banned for life, that scumbag criminal miscreant. He's not fit to be a member of society", says your good friend Dave - a well known Red Wings fan and all around asshole.
You look at your dog, patiently waiting to continue his walk, and say, "Well Jackson, looks like we were wrong when we thought this off-season couldn't get any worse and it was finally OK to just enjoy the summer, huh? Lets hurry back to SCH headquarters (aka - the futon in your living room) and see what's up."
So in case you didn't see the news below, Patrick Kane and his "relative" were arrested last night for robbery, fourth-degree criminal mischief and theft of services. I'm guessing that the "relative" is his cousin because it's one of the great truths of the world that going out drinking with your cousin always ends badly, always.
And so the off-season of insanity continues.. click the jump for more thoughts and discussions.
So lets break down several of the points in this story, shall we?
First up, details are insanely sketchy right now. They can't even confirm who the other Kane is. So the big thing to keep in mind is that it does NOT say who the actual puncher is. It could very well be this other Kane. Although Patrick wouldn't be the first male of a smaller stature who gets a bit punchy at the slightest provocation when alcohol is involved.
The second is that almost without a doubt - alcohol is involved. That's not going to shock anyone but seeing as how Kane has yet to reach the legal age to drink spirits it could just add another layer of cluster to this fuck of the summer. The only thing less shocking than when it comes out that the Kanes were drunk is the fact that some establishments in Buffalo may have served them. A hometown hero celebrity like Kane probably isn't going to have the problems you or I did when we tried to sneak in some booze as a 20 year old.
Third, it's clear that Kane's father is to blame for never teaching his son how to leave a tip. In case you read this Patrick, here's my method for cabbies. Round up the change and add a dollar. If it's less than 40 cents to round up then add another dollar to the tip. Of course, I'm broke most of the time and you're fucking rich so you should add several more dollars to every tip. Don't be one of those scumbags who don't leave decent change for people who work thankless jobs. Did you really need those dimes? Are you jealous we're calling Ben Eager "Double Nickles on the Dime"? Do you really want us to call you "Double Dimes on the Nickle"?
Fourth - fuck cabbies. I ride my bike in the beautiful city of Chicago almost every day and it's a constant struggle to avoid those assholes in yellow cars who will run you over to get a fare. This guy wouldn't be the last cabbie that deserved to get punched in the face. (side note - Jokes! this guy probably didn't deserve to get punched)
Fifth, Criminal mischief really ought to get a better name. As SCH's resident lawyer points out, there's some serious time that could be involved. Criminal mischief sounds more akin to TPing someone's house. At least I now know of something that puts my arrest for "interference with an official act" to shame (long story...). It might be worth noting stories don't really mention if Kane was charged with assault - just those three charges.
Finally, lets not go overboard with the idea of Kane's "character issues". He's a young kid who got drunk and did something very very stupid, or he stood by while his relative did the stupid things. This hardly means that he's a menace to society like those horrible Staal brothers. If you're a fan of this site, chances are you enjoy a beer or seven from time to time. Chances are even better that you've done something mind-boggingly dumb while drinking. You may not have punched a cabbie but lets at least be thankful that Kane had the sense to take a cab, not get behind the wheel.
No word yet on if the cab driver also attempted to steal Kane's mouthguard.
UPDATE: So re-reading this I realize I really focused on basically just defending Kane and make it seem like it's not a big deal. That's not the case. While I still want to wait til all the details come out I do realize Kane is a gigantic drunk asshole if he and his cousin attacked a cab driver over 20 cents. I just can't believe that things would really go that far for less than a quarter... we'll see though
Update: I just want to point out that the only dumb thing I do while drunk is write this blog.-Sam
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apparently
he also stormed into a local pizza joint last night demanding free pizza because hes patrick kane…
has someone checked to see if he is in any way related to the wirtz’s
according to TSN's story
“According to the police report, both Kanes took their money back and punched the cabbie in the face and head.”
http://tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=287230
“Kane, a Buffalo native, had attended a press conference with the mayor to announce funding for a local rink earlier in the evening.
WGRZ.com says the driver appeared to have suffered cuts to his face as well as damage to his glasses.
Buffalo’s WIVB is reporting that an attorney for the Kanes has entered a plea of not guilty in City court."
hope someone
from the Hawks organ-I-zation has tabs on McCub because I’m betting he’s somewhere near a window in a tall building…..either that or formulating a press release to spin the story…one or the other.
by Crease Monkey on Aug 9, 2009 1:49 PM CDT up reply actions
Dumbass
"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen"
~ Michael Jordan
Is it possible...
if Kane does get arrested we get some kind of deal on his contract next year? Like anyone incarcerated can only make a maximum of 50,000 a year.
As long as we're grasping at straws...
Not that I care about the drinking thing, but it is possible that Kaner went across the border and thus got his drink on legally.
HOCKEENIGHT.COM
I think I’ve read they got in a cab in an area of Buffalo known for its nightlife..
I’m as shocked as you are that Buffalo has a nightlife…
Buffalo is a mini Chicago without all the money and foolish foreign tourists
Really no differences between the cities except Buffalo is more honest. Chicago always had more corruption and more growth with greedy real estate shady dealers and mass immigration. I hope kane gets messed up in jail by some brothers
only lawyers and English teachers should care for grammar are you one?
The Pirates,Reds,Royals, and Padres are not major league teams
Buffalo is to Chicago...
What Randy Quaid is to Dennis Quaid. One is rich and has a colorful history rife with sex and drugs and crime and all the other things that make life exciting and scary. The other is famous for retarded, back water cousins.
What the hell is the matter with you, hoping someone gets roughed up in prison? Have you spent time in jail?
And your signature does not take into account that, at last tally, there are four English teachers on this site.
by russellguldin on Aug 10, 2009 6:54 AM CDT up reply actions 6 recs
Rec'd hard
which is much more forceful than a normal rec.
"If you're scared, go buy a dog" - Stacey King
Buffalo has a nightlife, but it’s not like a nightlife. It’s probably the the area of town nearest the farm that you can sodomize cow nostrils or something.
by russellguldin on Aug 10, 2009 6:48 AM CDT up reply actions
Your "interference with official acts" was in Iowa City, right?
Did we have this conversation already?
NOW STOP IT RIGHT HERE
The ridiculous, the sublime, and the stupid!
As I am tipping back a 20th Anniversry Sleeman’s while watching the NHL network’s “Tribute to J.R.” as they are showing the Hawks run to the Stanley Cup Final in 1992, on my birthday no less, I just turn the channel for a split second to the Jays game on Rogers Sportsnet and low and behold what do I see-THIS!
I cannot for the life of me believe what happened! Forget about ‘the summer of discontent’, how about ‘the summer of torture’. Just another chapter in the P.R. mess of the Chicago Blackhawks summer of 2009. Everyone collectively must be shaking their heads in disbelief over what has happened this summer.
As for Patrick Kane, this kid needs to grow up and NOW! There is no need for this type of behaviour 20-yrs. old or not. True I’ve done some pretty stupid things over my lifetime but never disrespect or punch-out another person over a little dispute especially in a case where someone was doing me a favour. I think anyone who went to the Convention can agree that Kane seemed a little arrogant, and with that it seems his attitude has finally caught up to him. Patrick has not only let himself, his family, his teammates, the organization in which he is employed by down, but most importantly the young fans that adore and most likely idolize him as well. Will he serve jail time? Doubtful, but community service? Most likely, and it would be pretty ironic that his community service would include in the help of restoring and improving his own community rink.
In the end, hopefully this serves as a life-learning lesson for Patrick Kane that will in the end help correct his attitude and ultimately make him a better person for life is funny in ways that it sometimes can humble you and in Patrick’s case hopefully it has.
It's never about the eventual destination, but rather the long journey and its challenging obstacles that are presented and what it takes to overcome them, that makes the taste of success all the more worthwhile!!!
this offseason keeps getting better and better
1) Tallon would never have let this happen….
2) If it was Kaner who puched the guy, MANDATORY flask of booze before puck drop. That should help him be a little more physical. (worked for most of the guys I played hockey with….)
3) quote,
A torn $5 bill was found in James Kane’s pocket while in the Erie County Holding Center, the report said.
Hmmmmm. I wonder who the douchebag is…..
According to an interview the cabbie gave
One Kane held him by the neck while the other beat on him shouting “don’t you know who I am?!”
All this supposedly went on through the driverside window though. I know Kaner is small, but I’m curious how two grown men can both get their hands on another through a car window.
The stupdity is mind blowing
forget about the criminal charges for a second and think about what kind of civil suit this guy could/will bring against Kane. Do you think a jury (that would probably be moved 100+ miles away from Buffalo) will be sympathetic to a cabbie earning $50/day who got beat up by a millionaire, underage-drinking, punk who is too cheap to tip a guy 20 cents? This little night of drinking is going to end up costing him hundreds of thousands of dollars if not 7 figures in legal fees, lost endorsements, and perhaps hockey earnings if it affects his next contract.
My adivce would be to be proactive and offer this guy a settlement pronto. Dante Stallworth killed a guy and could be playing in the NFL next year after serving just 30 days behind bars, but he and his attorneys were smart enough to get the victim’s family on their side. Kane should do the same and lose his cousin’s phone number forever. Better yet move to Chicago full time and leave his loser friends behind.
I don't know one Wings fan who's called him a scumbag
College-age kid does stupid thing…Red Wings fans called assholes?
How did we get dragged into this? I don’t go calling Buckeyes a bunch of douches* every time a Michigan player makes an ass of himself.
The Dave thing — Dave being the Der Untertan for all Detroiters — seems a bit uncalled for, man. Unless Dave is real, in which case, you need better friends in Detroit. Has Dave ever taken you to Slow’s when you visited? No? Then dump Dave.
That all being said, funny pic, and if you’re in the market for some friendly extra-rivalric advice from someone who lives and dies with college football, don’t condone, but also don’t take the actions of an over-adulated 21-year-old athlete too seriously.
- even if it’s true
to clarify
The asterisk end-note didn’t work out so well (thanks SB Nation software), so to clarify, I’m saying that Ohio State fans are douches.
And not in a hygienic-product-I’ll-take-that-as-a-compliment kind of way.
I doubt I’ll make many friends on this site with this, but I don’t care how drunk he was, this is a good indication Kane has a brain the size of a fucking chestnut, and that scares the shit out of me.
yep
looks like Kaner and Versteeg could roll in the same circles. I’m betting neither of them own a library card nor know where a Borders or Barnes & Noble or an independent record store is located.
by Crease Monkey on Aug 9, 2009 8:29 PM CDT up reply actions
celebrity status
only gets you served…. you can’t count on getting away with a free copy of “Tropic of Capricorn” just because you have celebrity status in Buffalo…especially if Mr Bookman is the resident library cop.
by Crease Monkey on Aug 9, 2009 9:22 PM CDT up reply actions
I bet Carl Monday knows ....
and he don’t like their kind in Libraries …
.... formerly "Tim" of StLouisGameTime.com
by CrossCheckRaise on Aug 9, 2009 9:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Are you nuts? There are no independent record stores in Buffalo. It’s a cultural wasteland rivaling Florida.
by Dr. Long Dong Johnson on Aug 9, 2009 11:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Remember...
NHL 2010 featuring Patrick Kane ships Saturday! Preorder your (soon to be limited edition) Patrick Kane covers today!
by Lost In NC on Aug 9, 2009 6:36 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Whoops...
9-15 is September, not August, huh? Oh well.
Who knows what REALLY happened?
Another reason why if you’re young, famous and a hockey player you don’t go to bars in Buffalo—or anywhere else for that matter—at 4 in the morning with your cousin.
Whatever REALLY happened, Pat Kane was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Everybody seems ready to judge the kid without knowing the facts. That said, the legal system will determine what happens next.
One thing is certain.
Mr. Kane showed bad judgment in exposing himself to this kind of situation.
"People kept forgetting that hockey is also a big business."
--Bobby Hull, 'Hockey Is My Game'
Really ...
does anything good happen at 4:30 AM ??
.... formerly "Tim" of StLouisGameTime.com
by CrossCheckRaise on Aug 9, 2009 9:58 PM CDT up reply actions
what a dick
What would have been cool is if the cabbie had a gun and used it to defend himself. Seriously, he randomly punches a guy who makes a million dollars less than him because he’s too much of a cheap ass to leave a tip. Go punch a wall if you can’t handle your alcohol. Do you really think he’s going to benefit society some day? He’ll make a lot of money and may help the hawks win some games, but we could use a lot fewer people like him in this world.
We need fewer destructive forces in society!
Let’s go online and advocate for his death!
Who's a bigger dick?
The guy who punches a dude over 20 cents
or
The guy who kills a dude over 15 bucks
by Mike Martin on Aug 10, 2009 12:11 AM CDT up reply actions
I want more info
and I seriously doubt the legal system we have will cast any more light on this. It’s gonna be settled/pleaded, whatever. Too many people have too much money riding on Kane to let him look bad.
If I can't be a good example, I'll just be a horrible warning
However....
I forgot to say, I don’t get why people think pro-athletes should necessarily be people to emulate. Many other professions have good role models to be found, it’s a shame people “look up” to athletes merely due to their famousness.
If I can't be a good example, I'll just be a horrible warning
I think it is a little different when the Blackhawks are actively marketing Kane that way
Remember the TV spot with Kane and the little kid?
“Hey kid, some day you too can beat up an old man driving a cab over twenty cents.”
This behavior is unacceptable in anyone, 20 years old or not, famous or not, hockey player or not.
fucking dome
But, is it national news if it is not a pro athlete? No. Does it make a difference? No.
At least the cabby has a good story for the Christmas party this year, “I took a punch from a NHL players cousin”
Whatever, drop the fucking puck already.
SHOOOOOOOT IT!!!! Anon
by burpchelischili on Aug 9, 2009 9:45 PM CDT up reply actions
So I rather agree with you.
I don’t think teams should take it lightly when putting up stars as role models. Saying, you too can play like him one day is one thing, but to be like him, not so much.
And yes, the behavior is unacceptable from anyone, IMO.
And what the fuck anyway, I’d be wondering if I should add a buck to that 15 for an acceptable tip. Being drunk I’d probably give the guy a 20 and be done with it. Who the hell wants to be driving a cab at 4am, you gotta appreciate people who do it so we don’t get DUIs.
If I can't be a good example, I'll just be a horrible warning
GRRRRREAT!
Who’s ready for EVERY nationally televised game next season with CONSTANT comments about “adversity”, “off-ice controversy”, blah, blah BLAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Every. Single. Game.
I can’t wait.
"What the hell, let's review it." - Dale Tallon
"They are!" - Pat Foley
"What a farce." - Dale Tallon
As a lifelong resident of Buffalo, I cannot think of a story— sports-related or otherwise— more representative of the intelligence and typical behavior of the average citizen of our city.
by Dr. Long Dong Johnson on Aug 9, 2009 11:44 PM CDT reply actions
Crazy is as Crazy does
Bad combination…egomaniac with a temper and a drinking problem. Would you give this guy a stick?
by Life is a Cruise! on Aug 10, 2009 10:24 AM CDT reply actions
Chicagoan in Buffalo
This is too funny. I live a couple blocks from where they were “out” at. Let me tell ya, there’s not much else over there, but bars. In Erie County the bars close at 4am. Also, that area is not the friendliest part of town, as a matter of fact that doesn’t exist in Buffalo. The alleged incident takes place after 4am, in an area where there’s nothing else to do, but consume alcohol and yet hardly any mention is made about the possibility of him being 20 and consuming alcohol. I’m not naive enough to believe that PK didn’t throw back a few with a fake id or local connections, but come on. Roughing up a cabbie for 20 cents, have some class, you’re the face of the franchise and a role model.
by chicagohockeyguy on Aug 10, 2009 11:40 AM CDT reply actions
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