SCH Olympic Break Drinking Game

by chiblackhawks on Feb 16, 2010 2:26 PM CST

It's only been a day or so since the Olympic break kicked in, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's browsed the hallowed comments of Second City Hockey without thinking to myself, "God, I am not drunk enough for this."

Now I don't know about prolapsed assholes, but I think we can all agree livers are highly overrated anyway, so here's a little something I thought could help get us all past the next two weeks. (Also, I was bored.)

You know the rules. Everything else (a mix of Olympic-, hockey-, and SCH-centric items) after the jump.

1 Sip If:

A joke is made, and at least one person doesn't get it
...and the joke has to be explained
...and as it turns out, it wasn't a joke after all
The word "facetious" or "sarcastic" is thrown around
A pop culture reference is made to allude to something that happened at least a decade before you were born
A pop culture reference is made to allude to something that happened at least a decade after you were a teenager
Someone misses a long-ass thread because they were out having a ~~date~~ social life
You skip over a comment because it's too long
...And it has randomly capitalized words
...And too many exclamation marks
You DON'T skip over that comment
...And after parsing it out to derive its meaning, you feel compelled to reply
...And you end up getting a response that has nothing to do with what you said
...And now you wonder why you bothered
Grammar or spelling are called out -Trixietrx
...And the correction has a grammar/spelling error
Someone says the PP on TV is better than the Hawks' -Johnny Lava
Someone gripes about too much playing time for a Hawks' player -Johnny Lava
Power play and clown shoes are mentioned in the same sentence -warrenjm2006
Eddie O gets royalties for someone in NBC saying "stop it right here" -Battery
A post reaches 500 comments

2 Sips If:

A drunken rant disguised as a fan post pops up
A comment that has nothing to do with hockey turns green
Someone alludes to Patrick Kane and a mode of transportation
The IOC is involved in another controversy
...that it could have prevented by employing common sense
Someone complains about the lack of hockey coverage on NBC
...in a fanpost
Someone complains about the hockey coverage on NBC
...in a fanpost
A single game's performance by Brodeur/Luongo/Miller/Thomas/Nabokov/Bryzgalov is used as support for why (insert goalie of choice) sucks/doesn't suck
A Chicago beat writer uses Olympic events to segue into an issue with the Blackhawks
...where there is an allusion to exhaustion
...or risk of injury
Someone gets a hat trick
...and it's a Blackhawk. (Dammit, when are you gonna get one for the team?)
Someone says the PP on TV is worse than the Hawks' -Johnny Lava
A post reaches 1000 comments

3 Sips If:

A wintery sport for a wintery event is canceled due to wintery conditions
Canada, Russia, Sweden or USA reaches double-digit goals
...For men's hockey
...And it's against any one of those aforementioned countries
A trade that will never happen is proposed
...And is taken as fact because "It's from HockeyBuzz and they're always right."
The trade involves Scott Niedermayer.
A USA vs Canada argument breaks out
...and someone takes it too seriously
Someone mentions the pressure on the Canadian team
...and Thornton's April disappearing act comes up
Kane undresses Keith or Seabrook
...and someone calls out the "crappy" defense we've been having
Miracle on Ice is mentioned
....along with the poster's placement in the universe when it occured
....after USA loses one of the early rounds
A post reaches 1000 comments despite the KY Jelly ad slowing it down

A Shot If:

You begin to ponder the irony of a KY Jelly ad slowing anything down
Bob LeDonne shows up -Trixietrx
Someone gets butthurt over something mjthor says -ZootSuitZombie
You use the trademarked phrase "error chain" -AirTrafficAJ
Someone mentions the "eye test"

Chug It Because You're STILL Not Drinking Enough If:

You try to understand how curling works
...And finally get it
An underdog team pulls an upset on Canada/US/your team of choice
You somehow get involved in a goalie debate
...or an enforcer debate
...with many pretty numbers and serious-sounding abbreviations involved
...And someone you're debating with actually concedes
A commenter alludes to The Golden Compass -ChicagoNativeSon
...And someone remarks "Polar bears are adorable" -ChicagoNativeSon
...Which results in a global warming debate -ChicagoNativeSon

I know I'm missing so much more here. Any other suggestions?

Tweet Comment 31 comments | 5 recs |

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Comments

I have to buy much more alcohol now

SCH Resident Idiot
The only Cup we can win is this years

by Johnny Lava on Feb 16, 2010 4:54 PM CST reply actions

that's the idea ;)

Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.

by chiblackhawks on Feb 16, 2010 8:31 PM CST up reply actions

This should work

Good game.

How about a shot when Bob LeDonne shows up?

1 sip if grammar or spelling are called out.

2009 SCH Post Whore
2010 Troll Collector
SCH's Resident Mom

by Trixietrx on Feb 16, 2010 5:18 PM CST reply actions

good ones

duly added!

Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.

by chiblackhawks on Feb 16, 2010 8:31 PM CST up reply actions

Drink if someone gets butthurt over something thor says

They brought their fuckin' TOYS with 'em!

by ZootSuitZombie on Feb 16, 2010 6:11 PM CST reply actions

Nicely done

Based on today’s thread, I’d be buzzed from drinking on the NBC bitching rule alone.

by K_Dog on Feb 16, 2010 6:51 PM CST reply actions

at least it helps make the pain go away

Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.

by chiblackhawks on Feb 16, 2010 8:32 PM CST up reply actions

So who's bringing the stomach pump?

"FACEOFF!" "Makes the pass." "FIGHT!" - 8 bit hockey

by chevrier30 on Feb 16, 2010 8:58 PM CST reply actions

Nicely done!

Y’all write darn good. You should have a blog!

I would suggest: Chug the remainder of your bottle if…
…a commenter alludes to the Golden Compass
…and someone remarks " Polar bears are adorable."
…which results in a global warming debate.

Is it wrong, if after playing this game, your liver falls out of your prolapsed asshole??
Or does that just make you the winner?

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Feb 16, 2010 9:33 PM CST reply actions

Winner winner chicken dinner!

I just chugged a half bottle of the Glenlivet!

All right, come on, dummy, you won the game. Come on. Pick up your trophy.

by meeshak on Feb 16, 2010 9:42 PM CST up reply actions

Added!

Haha, thanks. I just started writing one with Original Six.

Your liver falling out of your prolapsed asshole IS the prize.

Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.

by chiblackhawks on Feb 16, 2010 10:47 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

I was being "facetious" about the blog

I think you need to take 3 sips due to violations of rules #1, #2, and #4.

I actually do read your blog. Does that mean Andrew is Original Six? I always skip over his articles and read yours. (no offense, Andrew!)

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Feb 16, 2010 11:29 PM CST up reply actions

shit!

at least we have beer in the office…

And yes, he is, so you shouldn’t skip over them anymore. :P

Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.

by chiblackhawks on Feb 17, 2010 9:25 AM CST up reply actions

I feel overlooked here somehow! I’m having a drink!
…not really. Well, I really am having a drink, another of the beers I brought back from St. Louis.

Great job on this! Should I be able to find feeds of games (actually I did for most of Canada’s) I’ll have to try it…

a little chippy: a blog, mostly hockey
SCH's Resident Goalie Fixation Specialist

by KofC on Feb 16, 2010 11:10 PM CST reply actions

If I ever figure the feed thing out, I'll let you know

I’d be tempted to go find a bar but the timing’s all off. the last games are too late for me, and the 7pm games aren’t necessarily must-see games for me. The only game I really want to see right now is US vs Canada, so at least I’ve got time to figure the streaming thing out.

Although at least you don’t need to be watching the games since not everything is Olympic-based.

Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.

by chiblackhawks on Feb 17, 2010 9:37 AM CST up reply actions