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Around SBN: Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant's Post-Game 5 Outfits

Gentlemen! I have invented...this thing!

Otherwise known as:

Coach Q's Deterministic Chaos Creator

(sorry, I couldn't paste the whole thing here... SBN wouldn't let me)

As Sam posted in his... um, post... today:

Coach Q has tried Kris Versteeg at center at least four or five times over the past two seasons.  Most of these experiments have lasted a period or two at most.  Why are we doing this again?  And why are we pairing him with Kane, who needs the puck?  What use will Kane be when he was to watch Steeger over stickhandle and put everyone offisides?  What. The. Fuck?

In conclusion, the implication clearly was that Q had invented something, namely the aforementioned... thing.  This is my attempt to clone it.

Instructions for use:

  1. Click the button
  2. Repeat

If anyone feels a need to add any of the following (or something else), give a shout below and either I do something if I'm not feeling lazy, or somebody else can shamelessly copy it.  It's pretty much open source.

  • D men pairings
  • Forcing centers to center
  • No-scratch list
  • Days of Our Offense writer robot

* Special thanks to ChicagoNativeSon for suggesting that "We need an online random line generator" and BigCSouthside... just because.

Comment 52 comments  |  13 recs  | 

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re-posting my lines of GLORY from the original thread

Hossa – Madden – Burish
Byfuglien – Bolland – Fraser
Sharp – Eager – Ladd
Versteeg – Brouwer – Kopecky

Scratches:
Kane
Toews

by puppetmasterp on Mar 29, 2010 11:35 PM CDT reply actions  

That would

light a fire under those guys asses for sure.

2009 SCH Post Whore
2010 Troll Collector
SCH's Resident Mom
The sun never sets on a badass

by Trixietrx on Mar 30, 2010 8:00 AM CDT up reply actions  

My version at work was much more primitive,

scraps of paper with names on them stuffed in a beer coozie, thing that sucks is I could have made a wicked rad one with the tools I have at the office, but the meeting with my boss “Hey, what the fuck is this…thing we found on your computer” would have likely resulted in me being fired

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 29, 2010 11:36 PM CDT reply actions  

I actually have access to SQL Reporting Server, which would be fun to see what I could do with it (kind of an unusual use for it)

We use it to make performance management and predictive analytics reports that are web based (basically take all the numbers and names and turn them in to pretty little reporting tools so our genius management dosnt have to do hard stuff…like math). For a microsoft program its really nice. Unfortunately I may have had a slight problem getting you guys access to it since my office firewall is about 5 miles thick, and if you even use google improperly I think that a machine gun pops out of the ceiling and eliminates you. could do something cool with it like use the plus minus rating to give a grade of the strength of each line generated etc, or just get it to auto comment “what the fucking shit!” whenever a triple center line comes up

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 29, 2010 11:48 PM CDT up reply actions  

That sounds like it'd be useful

for all that stuff the stat gurus dig up here… it’d look really sick if you could pull that off. I was thinking you might’ve been referring to something like SharePoint which could probably cook something like this pretty quick.

I totally hear you on the firewall though, mine blocks a ton of websites, including the occasional one that would actually be useful for my work! Then of course they had to figure out my workaround to improper Google usage by blocking every single “Cached” link from Google.

I guess the reason I asked is because I’m working on some interesting software stuff in my spare time, some of which may be related and/or make stuff like this as easy as writing a blog comment. It’s probably a long shot, but this kind of info is always useful.

by VerStig on Mar 30, 2010 12:24 AM CDT up reply actions  

share point def could do it

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 30, 2010 12:37 AM CDT up reply actions  

Do you do a lot of stuff with it?

The only thing I use in it is the wiki…

by VerStig on Mar 30, 2010 12:47 AM CDT up reply actions  

we use it primarily as

a “base of operations” for project management, it can handle a lot of data and is good for centrally locating information and calling it up easily

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 30, 2010 12:59 AM CDT up reply actions  

cool stuff

I guess it’s one of the few things Microsoft got right… and only kinda.

by VerStig on Mar 30, 2010 1:18 AM CDT up reply actions  

I fuggin hate sharepoint

we use it way to much here, and they have the access rights locked down for most people so that no one accidentally deletes things they shouldn’t and that type of thing. result, I get about 20 requests a week to delete silly ass shit people created and can’t delete themselves. Best part is I’m not the admin, I just happen to be one of the unlucky bastards who has more permissions than most. Then add in that everyone here likes to customize everything and be a unique little snowflake. Well sharepoint and custom do not play nice together. Ugh.

SQL server with an ASP front end report though could do nicely with this just like you were thinking BigC.

by runningquicklynowhere on Mar 30, 2010 2:36 PM CDT up reply actions  

By the way

had to rec this bad boy

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 29, 2010 11:56 PM CDT up reply actions  

Of course you would - your name was mentioned

and likewise, the same reason I’m rec’ing it too!

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 12:27 AM CDT up reply actions  

Wow look at that first line - hope this doesn't happen in a real game

Kopecky – Burish – Kane
Fraser – Eager – Sharp
Versteeg – Hossa – Toews
Ladd – Madden – Bolland

Scratches:
Brouwer
Byfuglien

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.
- Rodney Dangerfield

by stacie7 on Mar 29, 2010 11:36 PM CDT reply actions  

That was the same line BigC got

I commented “Poor, poor Kaner”
Hmmm, maybe this generator is telling us something? BLou, get Stan on the phone!

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 12:25 AM CDT up reply actions  

Wait a minute.

I think I’ve actually seen these lines on the ice before:

Kane – Byfuglien – Toews
Versteeg – Burish – Sharp
Kopecky – Eager – Brouwer
Bolland – Ladd – Hossa

Scratches:
Fraser
Madden

by Katherine215 on Mar 29, 2010 11:57 PM CDT reply actions  

HA

Kopecky-Buff-Fraser………that hurts to think about

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 30, 2010 12:07 AM CDT reply actions  

Just admit it

you broke into Q’s office & stole this didn’t you?

I wonder what the over/under is for this thing to come up with tomorrow’s actual lines?

by ahnfire on Mar 30, 2010 12:24 AM CDT reply actions  

haha next step:

Compare to those TOI/shift charts and figure out if any of these actually showed up… I think I’ll have to defer to somebody else’s expertise on that one, unless I feel like doing real work at home.

by VerStig on Mar 30, 2010 12:27 AM CDT up reply actions  

I gave it another shot and here's what I got

Eager – Kopecky – Kane
Byfuglien – Brouwer – Ladd
Burish – Sharp – Hossa
Fraser – Versteeg – Bolland

Scratches:
Madden
Toews

I’m gonna call this 1st line “KANE SKATES ALONE”.
True centers for the top 3 lines? We don’t need no stinkin’ centers. And of course, Versteeg will center my 4th line.

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 8:18 AM CDT reply actions  

Not horrible Not great either

Brouwer – Byfuglien – Eager
Hossa – Kopecky – Madden
Versteeg – Ladd – Sharp
Toews – Burish – Kane

Scratches:
Bolland
Fraser

Actually do not mind the any of the lines here, makes me laugh at the idea of Burish with Kane and Toews. But, putting your ::cough:: ::cough:: enforcer with them could almost make sense. But, not much. I like the Slovak connection on the second line, with Madden centering, but the first line is definately the big ugly line

"I'd drink more." - Bobby Hull

by happyhossapanda on Mar 30, 2010 8:24 AM CDT reply actions  

Brilliant!!!

"...about six feet from the moose's butt."

by The Fearless Freep on Mar 30, 2010 8:38 AM CDT reply actions  

When I suggested someone make this

I didn’t think anyone would – especially in 5 minutes!
Never underestimate the power of motivated procrastination!

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 9:13 AM CDT up reply actions  

Slovakians Gets Rest

Byfuglien – Sharp – Fraser
Burish – Toews – Brouwer
Kane – Bolland – Ladd
Eager – Madden – Versteeg

Scratches:
Hossa
Kopecky

I’d switch Burish for Sharp so that there was only one useless line.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.

by cdz3210 on Mar 30, 2010 9:00 AM CDT reply actions  

Best 4th line EVER! (at least the Slovak was on an Olympic team)

Fraser – Kane – Versteeg
Burish – Bolland – Hossa
Ladd – Byfuglien – Eager
Kopecky – Sharp – Toews

Scratches:
Brouwer
Madden

But when it was suggested to him that Toews v. Kane seems likely to become a sidebar to every future international hockey tournament, he smiled and said: "I'd like us to win something together, too."

(Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.)

by chiblackhawks on Mar 30, 2010 9:10 AM CDT reply actions  

I can't wait until we have a D-line generator

 so I can get the result: “Scratches: Johnsson

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 9:12 AM CDT reply actions   1 recs

too bad

Eager doesn’t play D, because then you would have:

Scratches:
Eager
Johnsson

by K_Dog on Mar 30, 2010 9:18 AM CDT up reply actions  

but

sometimes in the current generator, we do get:

Scratches:
Eager
Ladd

But when it was suggested to him that Toews v. Kane seems likely to become a sidebar to every future international hockey tournament, he smiled and said: "I'd like us to win something together, too."

(Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.)

by chiblackhawks on Mar 30, 2010 9:19 AM CDT up reply actions  

Apparently

I am the wind beneath your wings

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 6:20 PM CDT up reply actions  

WERSTIG

add a game day beer generator

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 30, 2010 10:05 AM CDT reply actions  

Wait a minute!

You were complaining that i got credit from Trixie when you got credit from Verstig?? And for not doing something? LOL
I know there’s some phrase about a black kettle that would be appropriate here…

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 11:25 AM CDT up reply actions  

There was a reason for including him

I just don’t remember it…

To get back to the topic though… I’m going to need some kind of list of beers to fit my scale of WTFness of the lines the thing spits out. I’ll figure out a way to score the lines but I need an expert to give me a list (in order)!

by VerStig on Mar 30, 2010 6:07 PM CDT up reply actions  

"I just don’t remember it…"

I made the suggestion, BigC said he would put something together, and you did the work, then BigC shared the credit.

I just realized that BigC is in management.

:P

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 6:23 PM CDT up reply actions  

It was a Union job

TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!

by BigCSouthside on Mar 30, 2010 6:24 PM CDT up reply actions  

THIS

Is a thing of brilliance.

How can we not win with these lines?
Eager – Kopecky – Bolland
Sharp – Burish – Kane
Fraser – Ladd – Brouwer
Byfuglien – Madden – Versteeg

Scratches:
Hossa
Toews

by rsncrntz on Mar 30, 2010 1:12 PM CDT reply actions  

CREEPY

I read your post and went to spin the Q-stache one more time right after. Got the same two scratches, and with Versteeg as 4th line center no-less.

Byfuglien – Fraser – Kane
Ladd – Burish – Kopecky
Madden – Bolland – Sharp
Eager – Versteeg – Brouwer

Scratches:
Hossa
Toews

by puppetmasterp on Mar 30, 2010 1:50 PM CDT up reply actions  

kinda intrigued by 2 of these lines

Fraser – Eager – Versteeg
Ladd – Kopecky – Kane
Hossa – Burish – Toews
Byfuglien – Sharp – Bolland

Scratches:
Brouwer
Madden

not saying which ones though

by earthshiner on Mar 30, 2010 6:08 PM CDT reply actions  

D-men added

Buff was a huge pain, I had to make my head hurt to include him.

As a bonus I included a checkbox for all you Eager Johnssons… enjoy!

by VerStig on Mar 30, 2010 6:44 PM CDT reply actions  

I got

Scratches Eager Mad(den) Johnsson after about 10 spins

Well, folks, I want to thank you for being here for the recording of my live comedy album. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later.

by ChicagoNativeSon on Mar 30, 2010 6:53 PM CDT up reply actions  

this actually looks promising

FORWARDS:
Brouwer – Toews – Eager
Burish – Kane – Bolland
Versteeg – Ladd – Madden
Sharp – Kopecky – Hossa

DEFENSEMEN:
Boynton – Keith
Hjalmarsson – Hendry
Byfuglien – Seabrook

Scratches: Fraser Sopel

But when it was suggested to him that Toews v. Kane seems likely to become a sidebar to every future international hockey tournament, he smiled and said: "I'd like us to win something together, too."

(Tweets @ChiBlackhawks and blogs at Blackhawks Down Low.)

by chiblackhawks on Mar 30, 2010 6:54 PM CDT up reply actions  

my first spin with the updated Q-stache...

Hey, that 3rd line looks a bit familiar…

FORWARDS:
Toews – Kopecky – Fraser
Ladd – Eager – Hossa
Kane – Versteeg – Byfuglien
Sharp – Brouwer – Bolland

DEFENSEMEN:
Hjalmarsson – Boynton
Hendry – Sopel
Keith – Seabrook

Scratches: Burish Madden

by ahnfire on Mar 30, 2010 10:41 PM CDT reply actions  

1st Spin of the Update

Scary, I know I’ve seen a couple of these combinations.

FORWARDS:
Burish – Fraser – Bolland
Kopecky – Brouwer – Versteeg
Byfuglien – Toews – Kane
Sharp – Madden – Hossa

DEFENSEMEN:
Boynton – Hjalmarsson
Sopel – Seabrook
Keith – Hendry

Scratches: Eager Ladd

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene."

by cdz3210 on Mar 31, 2010 9:04 AM CDT reply actions  

not bad

swapping ladd for kindergarten kop and those lines == DD cup
kidding. kinda.

Holy chocolate covered mammary glands, Batman!
Um, that's not chocolate, Boy Wonder

by JohnnyBourbon on Mar 31, 2010 11:08 AM CDT up reply actions  

Fear us opposing teams!

For the generated D line of Sopel – Boynton!

by DocPepper on Apr 1, 2010 10:49 AM CDT reply actions  

LOL look at this combo

FORWARDS:
Toews – Bolland – Byfuglien
Sharp – Versteeg – Burish
Ladd – Hossa – Fraser
Madden – Brouwer – Kane

It's THE GOAALLLIEEE!!!!!

by hauthisis on Apr 1, 2010 2:56 PM CDT reply actions  

i like

i vote having a “scratch the dudes who scored 75% of the goals against the mild” option

Holy chocolate covered mammary glands, Batman!
Um, that's not chocolate, Boy Wonder

by JohnnyBourbon on Apr 1, 2010 3:02 PM CDT up reply actions  

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