Oh, Inverted World

 I was originally going to name this post "CROSSROADS" (I just watched "Band of Brothers" for the 101st time (fyi, there's a bad joke in there)) but I know how much some of us enjoy "wuss rock" titles (It's okay Sam, really it is. Just remember, the first step is "admittance"). "Hi, I'm CNS and I like wuss rock." And If you're just looking for dick jokes, I've highlighted them for the reading impaired...

I'm sure when most of us awoke on January 9th, 2010 the world seemed a pretty good place. Why wouldn't it? We were Blackhawks fans, hell yeah! Everything was going according to the all-knowing Q's great plan (bear with me). The Hawks looked unstoppable, anything was possible, the future looked bright...

Dear Mr. Bettman,

Please make sure to spell Byfuglien's and Hjalmarsson's names correctly on the cup (well, at least Hammer's. Buff and Eager will be too busy looking for cookies and McNuggets inside it, so Buff won't notice). Also, if you could put an asterisks next to *Kopecky's name, that would be appreciated. Enclosed is a copy of the proposed route for the parade on June 20th. Hope you can't make it!

-Us

Prior to that evening the Hawks had a ridiculously excellent record of 31-10-3 with a 2 pt lead on the Sharks and a 7 pt lead on the Crapitals. We had won 5 in a row - all by 3 or more goals - and 12 of the last 14. Of those remaining 7 wins, 5 were also by 3 or more goals, include 4 shutouts. The 2 losses were each only by 1 goal. Hossa had been back for a month, but we still didn't have Bolland (or *Burish). We had so much depth and talent that our only problem was who was going to sit. We also THOUGHT we had a goalie debate even though Huet had a 2.08 GAA / .912 SV% and Niemi was at 1.83 GAA / .925 SV%. Yes, things were pretty awesome ludicrous Fuck Yeah!!! Emotions, adrenaline, and endorphins were running so high that our significant others were being forced into sexual overtime, leading to bedroom gems like:

I thought you liked the Patrick Sharp photos on the headboard. What do you mean it's "wrong"? No, I was not winking at him the whoooole time.

Geez, relax honey, that's what we call a "shootout"' in hockey. Just settle down and don't move. I'll get you some tissue.

Yeah well, sometimes overtime only lasts a few minutes too.

How is it my fault that I wanted to play Toews and then you picked Huet? You should have known I was gonna go 5-hole, duh! And if it's any consolation, Huet's is gaping too. Yeah, yeah, I'm an ass. The Preparation-H is in the medicine cabinet, SIEVE!

THEN MINNESOTA HAPPEN.

OBVIOUSLY, this team hasn't been the same since that 4 goal third period against the white girls of the north (just keeping with the wuss rock theme) on January 9th. Since that night, the Hawks are a less than spectacular 15-11-4 (.500 in my book). I'm not going to try and go into the specifics of what's wrong with this team, because I have no clue. Solutions? I got nothing there either, but I know it's not 42, because that's about equal to the maximum number of minutes of effort the Hawks have given in any game as of late. (The 3rd period is the new 2nd period which used to be the 1st period which was then demoted to the SO? Did I get it right?)

When I original started writing this over a week ago, I expected that the Hawks would respond to Little Wiz's Napoleon complex hit on Seabrook by coming out and beating the living crap out of some hapless teams. That obviously hasn't happened. So what I will leave you with instead are some reasons to not get too down on this team and a big reason I haven't jumped over to the dark side. (Really though, this post is really just an excuse to write some dick jokes)

5 of our players (and *Kopecky) played in the Olympics. All played for teams good enough to advance to the semi-finals, 4 players went on to the finals, and 3 walked away with gold. Safe to say that Kane, Toews, Hossa, Keith, and Seabrook (when he's not preoccupied with Keith being unfaithful - dammit Trixie, fix this!) are among the greatest players in the league, and world. When's the last time in your lifetime (if ever), that you could make that argument??

After Hearing Reports of Missing Johnsson, Hjalmarsson Receives Call from Swedish Women's Olympic Team

John Madden is still one of the top defensive forwards in the league and has some obnoxiously great career statistics on the PK, including generating shorthanded opportunities. We've obviously seen his effect. Although his play hasn't consistently been at the level it was in the first half of the season, he still fills his role quite well and hopefully has some gas in the tank. (Don't make me write a FanPost entitled "Running on Empty" John!!) And yes, my mancrush is with Madden, so he gets his own paragraph. Deal with it.

Without Johnsson, Hjammer Unable to Single-handedly Beat Opposition

Sharp, Versteeg, Ladd, Brouwer, Byfuglien and Bolland are still IMO the best supporting cast in the NHL (sorry to lump you in there Patrick, but you didn't make the Olympics). If a team wants to focus on stopping our "big guns", they'll get lit up and shut down by these guys. Aside from Sharpy, this still is a very young group. Just like kids, and commenters on SCH, they get distracted very easily. I blame much of the past 2 months on this. I don't think you'll see that come playoff time. I believe this is exactly the reason we saw the drop in play last year in March .

Sarah Kustok Interviews Hjammer in Locker Room, No Sign of Johnsson

The 4th line et al has enough talent to be one of the best in the league, but they've often times given new meaning to the phrase "That's why they're on the 4th line." They also have enough bodies to mix and match to come up with a working combination. Let's hope Q figures this one out and doesn't resort to our Deterministic Chaos Creator.

Burish and Hjalmarsson Report to Team Doctor, Johnsson to Be Scratched Indefinitely

Defense. Hjalmarsson has been nothing short of remarkable. How he is not on the list of (men's) Olympians is a joke. Sopel has been what I assume most of us have expected him to be. When he's not hung out to dry by his teammates (meaning, left without secondary support), he's a more than able 3rd line D-man. Hendry, solid. You don't hear his name much and that's a good thing. Did we ever think we would be hanging our Cup hopes on a dick like Johnsson?? With Johnsson's return our defense will be able to get back into sync in their normal positions.

When Asked About Cup Chances, Hjammer Says Johnsson "Would Be Huge"

Goalies. NOTHING TO SEE HERE! Please move along...

Balance. This team is BY FAR the most balanced in the league. 5 20-goal scorers and 8 15-goal scorers on a team that also plays defense is impressive. No other team is in the top 6 in both scoring and defense. Two-way play is everything come playoff time.

Johnsson-less Hjalmarsson Calls BJ Loss "Frustrating"

Coaching. Just as I mentioned that young players, like kids, can become disinterested, line juggling and inconsistency can cause both young players and veterans alike to become frustrated. I believe the "Quaters" (laaarmer) have a valid point here. This will become much, much less a factor when the team has something to focus on (Yes Eager, shiny things like the Cup).

Contrary to Prior Reports, Hjalmarsson Admits Relationship with Johnsson "Shaky"

Well, I think I've sufficiently beaten that dead horse.

BOLD(?) PREDICTIONS

As I mentioned, I expected the Hawks would catch fire after Seabrook went down and obviously they haven't. That said, I doubt anything is going to break this team out of their current slump until playoff time. Sorry, I know it's not an "optimistic" perspective, but it is a realistic one. I'm honestly not throwing in the towel though and hope they will close out the season with a run similar to last year's.

Remaining Schedule: I figure I'll have some fun and go out on a limb with some predictions here. Hawks continue to play .500 for the remainder of the schedule...

STL: L       MIN: W       NJ: W       CGY: L       DAL: L       STL: W       COL: W       DET: L (sorry)

(4-2 so far with actual game predictions, Hawks have won 5 of 6, much better than what I predicted, but beat NJ in SO and almost coughed up STL)

Playoffs: The way the playoffs are shaping up should work out well for the Hawks. Detroit will probably get the 5th seed and play Phoenix and the Hawks will likely get Nashville, LA, or Colorado in the 1st round. LA and Colorado are also playing badly. I predict we'll end up playing LA. Hawks are 3-0-1 against LA this year. It should be a great opportunity for the Hawks to get their head out of their asses and their eyes on the prize. If they can get on track here with a solid series, I believe you will see the Hawks of late 2009 again. Again, my point is this team is young, got too high too fast, and won't focus until necessary (think Kaner). Hopefully, I'm partially wrong and they finish up the regular season on a run like last year.

If the Hawks prevail and SJ blesses us with another early exit this year, we'd have Colorado in the 2nd round, otherwise it's a balls out scrum because all of the remaining teams are tough (as always). The nice thing with my predicted scenario is that SJ would probably be facing SCUM in the 2nd round because does ANYONE expect Phoenix to survive more than 5 games against Detroit despite their Cinderella season?

So calm down and drink the koolaid. Bottom line, we'd love to see them play better, but nothing is guaranteed whether the Hawks limp into the playoffs or go on an 8 game win streak. Try to enjoy the ride. That's why we watch, isn't it?