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SCH Essential Guide to Nicknames/memes


Excuse the long ass title, its my first time so please be gentle.  I know this has been done before, but if you want to bust my ass for that feel free.   At the suggestion of  gobobbles and in continuation of a few other posts, I figured I would go ahead and attempt to locate all these nicknames/phrases in one place.  I had trouble keeping up with some of these things when I started reading, so as a public service (or because Im fucking bored on a thursday night) here are the ones I know.  If im missing any or I am wrong, or you just want to call me an asshole or something more creative, please comment below.

 Here' goes:

Players/Coaches, A-Z by first name

Adam Burish 37:  Bur, Burwood, Badger (he was Capt. of the '06 UW  Nat'l champs) as suggested by CNS "The Cheese-shire Cat". and apparently according to a sign Burish saw, Granny Fucker

Andrew Ladd 16:  Nails, Laddy, Mad Ladder, Coward/Kesler Bitch Maker (A reference to the "one punch fight" in which Ladd made Kesler his bitch, and the Kesler called Ladd a coward. Unfamiliar? see chiblackhawks "History WIll Be Made" Fanshot ) Mountain (So sayeth the CI)

Antti Niemi 31:  Antti-Goal, Niemisis, The Finnish Fortress, Uncle Nemo/Nemo, Pelican (a reference to his old team in Finland)

Ben Eager 55:  Steakhead, Meathead, Moron, Idiot, Dumbass (Or any other synonym for someone of inferior mental prowess), Eags, Sunshine.  Recently suggested, Earwax (Cliff suggested that Eager's brains leaked out) and Paste Eater.  Also, Sesame Street references (due to CNS's famous fanpost in which he stated that Ben Eager still Tivo's that show) Also "Double Minors on the Dime" (A play on the fact that he gets stupid penalties and the album name Double Nickels on the Dime by Minutemen, a previously undocumented nickname from MattDirt)

Brent Seabrook 7:  Seabs, Biscuit (a reference to Seabiscuit)

Brent Sopel 5: Catfish (I believe in reference to his striking similarity in appearance to the fish of the same name) Caveman, because he fucking looks like one.  Puck Magnet, Sergeant Sopel

Brian Campbell 51: Soupy (like Campbell's soup, get it?), Ginger (note the hair) 51 Phantom (a reference to North Mississippi AllStars, according to my fact checkers)

Bryan Bickell 29: "You talkin' to me?" (A reference to DeNiro's "Travis Bickle" from Taxi Driver)

Colin Fraser 46:  Frazz, Frazzle Rock, Frazzle Dazzle, Frazzle Fro/Fro (Reference to his hair)

Corey Crawford 50:  Crawdaddy, The Crow, Mr. Crowley, Mouseketeer (dunno why, ask kils)

Cristobal Huet 39:  Huey, Frenchie, The Man From France.  Also, commonly referred to by using a string of expletives on SCH

Dave Bolland 36:  Fabulous Weapon, Weapon (a reference to Eagles of Death Metal).  Rat (he's a pest to play against.  Greyhound...dont know why

Duncan Keith 2:  D2K, Jigsaw (reference to character from Saw, because his teammates claim he's kind of psycho scary and methodical) Duncs (or "Dunky" if you are reading Trixie's now famous Days of our Defense).  Teeth, in reference to his goddamn heroism in the WCF, losing 7 teeth and only missing a few shifts.

Dustin Byfuglien 33:  Buff (Because no one wants to have to spell that fucker's name over and over).  Also, Buff Nuggets (Reference to his Rock and Roll McDonald's appearance, and I'm pretty sure that dude gets down on some McNuggets)

Fernando Pisani 15:  The Pope-AH, a reference to his WOPness and a sketch from the TV show The State

Joel Quenneville: Q, Q-Stache, Stache

John Madden 11:  Iron Madden (like the band, which I might add, is rad), Mad Dog

John Scott 32:  Lurch, Murderasaurus, Tree, Treebeard, Little John.  Known as "fluffy" until he actually uses his size to his advantage

John Torchetti: Torch, Franken-Torch (paint that bastard green and throw some bolts in his neck and you get the idea)

Jonathan Toews 19:  Tazer (Ill give you 3 guesses why) Captain, or Captain Marvel (Note the C on his sweater). Captain Serious (because he is one serious motherfucker)

Jordan Hendry 6: Trixie's "son"

Kim Johnsson 8: Dead on Arrival, any variation of penis puns (note CNS's bulleted "Phantom Limb" argument below)

Kris Versteeg 32:  VERSTEEG! (The ! is dropped whenever he goes into moron mode or does not dump the fucking puck), Steeger, Steegs.  Also Verstud ( a joke going back to, I believe Patrick Sharp, saying thats what he calls himself)

Marian Hossa 81:  Panda (was sad panda, a name acquired during the playoffs while he was still serving his time in hell, aka Detroit, now its just Panda (a very rich Panda at that). Dat Horsa Guy (a Canadian/Minnesota style pronunciation of his name, possible referece to his speed as well) Also H-1000, because he is a fucking machine.

Marty Turco 30:  Crimson Dynamo, Turc, sometimes called "sparkle motion" due to his old pads

Nick Leddy 8:  Has been called "rabbit", this is no way in reference to his speed, but since he wears 8, he was called "fake johnsson".  Now a fake "johnson" would be a dildo, so instead of calling him "dildo", "Rabbit" slyly references a feature on a popular women's sex toy...google it if you can't figure it out.

Niklas Hjalmarsson 4:  Go to IKEA, pick up an item, and read its Swedish name and you probably have a nickname for him (TOFTBO and ASPELUND seem to be the most common) also, Hammer and Meatball.  Older: Nintendo (Super Nintendo Chalmers) Hjalphabet, Jelly (His AHL Nickname)

Patrick Kane 88:  Kaner, Lazy, Doctor/Dr Kane (A name revealed in a BHTV episode that his teammates call him because he's surgical) 20 Cent (in reference to the infamous "Cabbie Punching" incident, and because he's so hood)

Patrick Sharp 10: Sharpie, Sharp Shooter, Shooter...or panty melter, cuz lets face it, chicks dig him.

Tomas Kopecky 82:  Hossa's Bitch/Valet/Ballwasher/Personal Assistant (In reference to the fact that it has been implied that there is a bromance between the aforementioned Panda and Kopecky).  Kop (Also refers to a player losing his helmet, ie "Eager just pulled a Kop") Keystone Kop ( A reference to the old silent films about idiot police officers, implying that Kopecky is incompetent at times) AssSkate also works, since he spends most of his time on his ass, and should have a skate grafted to his hind quarters to increase his productivity/skating ability.  Also responds to "Fucking Kopecky"

Troy Brouwer 22:  T-Bone, Lowen-Brouw, Brouwzer, Yossarian

Viktor Stalberg 25: Vickberg, VerSWEDE!, Vik Rattlehead (or simply Rattlehead) a reference to the Megadeath mascot (name appointed by the CI as official nickname)

LINES/DEFENSIVE PAIRINGS

Clown Car: Boynton+Cullimore, from a Live from the Five Hole podcast

Daydream Nation:  The combination of Toews and Kane on the ice, combined they are 1988, the year the album of the same name was released, and their birth years

Hammer of the Gods: Hossa, Toews, Sharp, aka Opposition D shits their pants line

Hammer Soup: Soupy/Hammer combo (Reference to Children's book, no you cant "Click to Look Inside"), also suggested Meatball Soup or Italian Wedding (because they are actual soups that involve meatballs)

Hossbollah:  Hossa, or I think the combination of Hossa and Bolland

Jelly Biscuit: Hjalmarsson + Seabrook on D

Marlboro 72:  The bromantic and professional combination of Seabrook and Keith, a reference to the Marlboro cigarettes of the same name

The Madison St. Globetrotters: Hossa, Toews, Kane (a reference to Foley saying "It looks like the Harlem Globetrotters out there")

OTHER TEAMS/PLAYERS

Bluesers:  St Louis Blues...fuck them

Nucks: The Canucks, most of their fans are cool, but their team is a bunch of bastards

SCUM: Detroit, typically preceded by some kind of vulgarity

Cindy:  Sidney Crosby

JHC.:   Jesus Havlat Christ

Lu, Reboundo:  Roberto Luongo

Fucking Criminal Asshole: Todd Bertuzzi

Ovie: Ovechkin

Wiener Tucker:  Rick Nash (Allegedly, according to the 300 level)

MISC INFO/BLOG RELATED PHRASES/MEMES 

'a': A response used when you want to argue a point, but realize the futility in arguing, as it would be like discussing quantum physics with table lamp.

Beating a Dead Horse: No, its not attempting to "punch your cabbie" while you have ED, its The Goalie Debate.  There's so much material on this site concerning goalies that I believe Time Life is now offering the debate in its entirety in a simulated leather bound 3 volume commemorative set.

Ben Eager Hat Trick: One dumbass penalty per period

Bollie Line: 36% at the faceoff dot

Bottom Lounge, Whirlaway: Two establishments where SCH members gather so they dont have to drink aloneall the time

Chicago Sports Media: Generally incompetent,(there are exceptions) you're better off reading here

Clownshoes:  The often lamented Blackhawk's Power Play, also known as beer reload time, because you wont miss much.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment:  The NHL on NBC

Disrespect to Country/Flag/Troops: What some people think we do when we cheer during the National Anthem.  People who think this are defined later (see: Mouthbreathers)

DLR:  David Lee Roth, "Everybody Wants Some"  reserved for when the Hawks beat the shit out of someone, the soundtrack to an ass beating

Douchebag, asshat, fuckhead, penis head, douchenozzle, dildo, fuckstick etc:  Many times these are referring to Pierre McGuire (usually preceded by "Mc"), just be sure to check the context, they could also be used for Millbury, Bettman, a ref, or an opposing player (like Bertuzzi, Wisniewski)

Edzo:  Eddie Olczyk

Edzo Bingo:       http://www.jeffcohenonline.com/edzobingo  works as a drinking game, have a case of beer on standby. related, Foley/Edzo Drinking Game:  "Active Sticks" "Young Hockey Players" "Crash the Net" etc earn you drinks, again, have a case of beer at the foot of the couch, you wont have time to get up and go to the fridge

HIBLD: "Hi Im Bob LeDonne" The official start to our "AA" Meetings.  A traditional start to each gamethread, rec it if you see it.

Huater:  Someone who is very outspoken about their disdain for Cristobal Huet

Kopecky Hat Trick:  Whiff on a shot, fall down, lose helmet, all in the same game, an natural Kop Trick is all 3 in one play

Ledge, The: A place of permanent residence for Hawk fans during the rough times (see, March 2010)

Mouthbreather:  People who yell SHOOOOOOT or HIT HIM! or SKAAAAAAATE!. These people also probably couldnt define icing for you if you asked.  Im pretty some of these goobers are in the background during Intermission Live at home games.   Also, people who support Detroit or St. Louis

Palomino: the official "safe word" (reference to an SNL skit, wikipedia it if you dont know) "to reign things in when the slide into utterly depraved starts to appear inevitable … and some of the rest wish to stop things before we go over the cliff."-krome

PK: Many times one of the best scoring opportunities for the Hawks in any given game. aka "Hossa Time"

Rally Mullet/Unlimited Mullet Potential: "This picture is thrown up when the Hawks are trailing (was HUGE in the playoffs last year) and go on the PP, or have scored a goal, or a couple unanswered goals, to narrow the deficit."-HawkVision

Scarlett Game: When one player, or players scores a shitload of points, because it is "sexier than Scarlett Jo in a corset, serving me pizza and beer, and blowing me during the intermissions"

Scott Hat Trick: Broken stick on 3 shots in one game (or period)

Shit the Bed: To fail epically and completely 

Shoot the Puck Skank/Bimbo: A usually physically appealing woman (usually in a jersey 3 sizes too small) who is generally not too bright who is chosen to participate in the shoot the puck contest

Skills Competition, Lightsaber Fight, Punt Pass Kick Competition, Freethrow Contest, HR Derby, Tiddlywinks Competition, Beer Pong, Flip Cup Contest, Shirtless Slap Fight: The Shootout

"Take off the shield"="Stop being a pussy"

That Which Shall Not be Named: The 35 lb drinking vessel of noble patronage, typically hoisted by a victorious group of hockey players at the culmination of a successful playoff run

NO NO WORDS/TOPICS: Derogatory/"Homophobic" epithets (the "F" word, yes, you can still say fuck, the bad one rhymes with "bag"), slang terms for the mentally challenged.  Cubs/Sox (for obvious reasons).  Politics/Religion

 

I will edit/add more at your suggestion, this is an ever growing tome of SCH lore, so I need your help.  

I want to give an assist to anyone mentioned above, VerStig, ahnfire, happyhossapanda, and CNS for reminding me of some shit I forgot.  Christ, this is turning into a fucking Oscar acceptance speech, but keep em coming.

Have a good one, you crazy bastards

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