Dear fucking assholes sitting in front of me for game 1
by Eric T. on Jun 3, 2010 11:39 PM CDT
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I know there's no fucking way those fucking sissies read this site or even fucking know a fucking thing about hockey besides who fucking won or lost, but here we go.
I have been going to hockey for 38 fucking years on this fucking planet, and I played in a fucking sweet intramural league at East St Louis Community Fucking College (ESLCFC), which makes watching the fucking Blackhawks really fucking painful sometimes. In all of my long amount of years attending or playing the fucking game, I have never met a fucking group that is more fucking inconsiderate group of sissies in my entire life.
I spent a fuckload of alot of money to get tickets to game 1 since it was the goddamn fucking Stanley Cup Finals, for fucking out loud. I have never been to a championship game for any of my fucking teams because I am too much of a pussy to root for the Bears or Bulls even though I fucking live in Chicago. So you can imagine I was fucking excited to go to this fucking game with three of my friends who are 30-45 years old.
Once we got to our fucking seats, we saw this fucking family sitting in front of us. I didn't think much of it until fucking Toews couldn't win a fucking face-off and the fucking Hawks kept missing the fucking net on every fucking shot; what the fuck were they doing? These fuckers in front of us turned around and told us that somehow even with that fucking horseshit defense letting in five fucking goals, it was my fucking language that was offending them. I mean, with all that fucking flailing at the puck, in the Stanley Cup Finals, they're worried about what I'm fucking saying?
Instead of being mature people who understood that the fucking Constitution of the Fucking United States protects my right to say whatever the fuck I want, they got all fucking pissed off about it. When fucking Briere scored that bullshit goal right at the fucking end of the first fucking period, we were fucking pissed and my buddy stomped his fucking foot and accidentally knocked over his fucking beer. Now on top of a fucking horseshit goal, we have a fucking lost beer, and to make it even worse these bitches in front of us start fucking complaining because one or two freaking drops of beer fell on them. Like we fucking meant to spill the beer or something. I mean, we're trying to get drunk and help the team win the fucking Stanley Cup here!
Then their fucking punk ass kid turns around and starts in on us about having respect for our fucking elders. Well we're 30-45 fucking years old, his parents aren't our fucking elders, so he can shut his bitch face right the fuck up. We offered to settle it, but of course he fucking pussied out. The point all of this brings to is 1) by the time you are 18, you should be able to handle a few fucking swear words, and 2) don't be such a fucking pussy.
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Stats
Uses of the work “fuck” (in any form): 59, plus 1 in the title
Comments on Broad Street Hockey: 395
Comments on Second City Hockey: 9
by VerStig on Jun 4, 2010 12:06 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
number of times I laughed while reading this post: 1 (East St. Louis Community Fucking College…heh)
number of laughs per paragraph: 0.16
"..and what's on your Christmas list, partner?" P. Foley
"I expect to get leather goods for Christmas.. a belt in the mouth, and a boot in the ass." D. Tallon, 1985
by Gate3anuhHalf on Jun 4, 2010 12:20 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Awww.
I thought I’d get one for the spoof concept, and one for “for fucking out loud”.
Send me a bill for the three minutes of your life you spent reading this; I’ll see if I can get you a refund.
it is an intelligent crowd here
if all a spoof has going for it is “obviousness” it is a fail.
You need to execute it with verve and wit. Say, by way of example, using the full pallate of sexual euphemisms from Victorian age erotica. The Bevis & Butthead level of humor just doesn’t cut it.
The East St Louis community college reference was the sole jab to hit target. You need to get one of those in every line.
In sum, the vocal was pitchy, it had a wobbly beat and it wasn* easy to dance to. I give it a 54.
Confusion will be my epitaph.
by krome on Jun 4, 2010 7:30 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I wonder how many of the SCH'ers
are old enough to get the AB reference?
I like it plenty, but how about a show of hands from the resident fossils.
[ krome, your reply had great rhythm and was easy to read. I give it an 89.]
"Life is a long lesson in humility."
- James M. Barrie
I hate when comments like this
remind me how old I am.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene."
obscure references are big things here - particularly if music related
that is playing to one of the site’s common themes, a plus in being silly here
Confusion will be my epitaph.
and the pitchy vocal is an American Idol hommage (a Randy Jackson criticism staple)
Confusion will be my epitaph.
It pisses me off
that Dick Clark looks younger than I do…
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose : it's how drunk you get.
I laughed
at the “for fucking out loud.”
by Katherine215 on Jun 4, 2010 10:35 AM CDT up reply actions
doing that out loud is often rather humorous
people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor, and yet He designed the rediculous method of reproduction we have (as well as the platypus)
Confusion will be my epitaph.
Dogma Reference?
God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene."
that is a very old joke - which Dogma repeated
I could hear an exchange like this going in the Hawks locker room
Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.
Loki: Well, it’s a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it’s not nearly as impressive. Just doesn’t have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this…
Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don’t use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there’s a subtle difference.
Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I’m sure.
Loki: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.
Confusion will be my epitaph.
The coitus item in Dogma too
Bethany: What’s he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He’s got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There’s nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it’s mostly a joke down here, too.
Confusion will be my epitaph.
I'm glad
That my opinion can be taken seriously here. I play college hockey, I here and say swares as much as the next person. It wasnt about that, but thanks for this little number
Just some asshole from Philly
Don’t hold it against the SCHers, many of whom did take you seriously.
I really don't get how this is a fanpost?
This sounds like whiny crap to me.
Are you going a little over the top in your description? Who knows? Was your friend just as rude as the family in front of you when he "accidentally" spilled his beer? In my experience, personally and as a witness, when someone yells profanity – especially at a sporting event – it is usually done in a manner which always escalates the situation. Is that what happened? We don’t know. We only have your fucking opinion.
Did the concession stand personnel find it necessary to replace or refill your friend’s beer? No, they did not. So that makes me wonder.
the fucking Constitution of the Fucking United States protects my right to say whatever the fuck I want
Yeah, whatever. Hide behind silly “rules.” Must be tough that your friend lost a perfectly good beer AT THE GAME FOR A HAWKS’ WIN DURING THE SCF! Fuck me. My heart goes out to you for all your suffering.
Turds!
Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
Double turds!
Spaulding!!!
by ChicagoNativeSon on Jun 4, 2010 1:06 AM CDT reply actions 4 recs
This post
turned a bad day into a good day. thanks!!!!
''I hate every team we play, that's all there is to it. From 2o'clock until 10 or 11 o'clock at night, I don't want to be friends with the other side.''-Jake Peavy
The icing on the cake..
Fucking Kaner coffee lost that fucking race to that fucking Duncan fucking donut. Fucking pussy Kaner coffee.
The past is for cowards and fools....
I really don't get how this is a comment?
Turds!
Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
Double turds!
Spaulding!!!
by ChicagoNativeSon on Jun 4, 2010 9:17 AM CDT up reply actions
Isn't this a reply to someone else's fanpost I read yesterday?
that were talking about the 3 30-45 year olds?
Yes, this guy is from Philly though so those of you that rec'd it that aren't from Philly...
Chewing gum?
"Alex didn't cause Campbell's injury, the boards did."
so because
is a Philadelphian we shouldn’t rec this or be amused by it? Laarmer this SCF has your whities pretty damn tightly wound.
Chicago Blackhawks: No Longer Rusted Steel on Slush!
Did I say not to?
That’s what the dots are for.
Do what you want.
Hanes baby you got it right
Chewing gum?
"Alex didn't cause Campbell's injury, the boards did."
Wow
You actually did it. Is there an anti-rec button? Has that been installed yet?
Italian beefs >> Cheesesteak
Regardless of the Series outcome, Chicago dominates on the important points.
by meeshak on Jun 4, 2010 3:03 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
im impressed with the usage of fuck
certainly illustrates the diversity of the word
Hossa's Attorney says:
TAKE OFF THOSE CLOWN SHOES OR I WILL SHOOT THIS DOG!
Fuckin A...
As much as I like to use the word, as a verb (giggity), noun, adjective, preposition, even an adverb now and then; this was a little over the top. This much usage lessens the effectiveness of ‘sentence enhancers.’
I’m also one for free speech and whatnot but you also have to use some sort of common sense and restriant while in public; no matter how many arms and legs you paid to get into a SCF game.
And it’s a sin to waste $7.25 beer, on purpose or accident, even if it is Bud Light (yuck).
Now I'm wondering
how many people read my greened comment and thought it was serious.
Turds!
Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
by ChicagoNativeSon on Jun 5, 2010 9:51 AM CDT up reply actions
yes, thank you, I was very aware it was a parody/spoof/goofy response to another post; it was quite obvious when he used ‘fucking’ 5 times in the first sentence; as well as the reference to ESLCFC.
Ok, sorry
Did not mean to offend you but I read your comment several times and couldn’t tell for sure if you were joking too. This is not uncommon for me though, so I had to check.
by Katherine215 on Jun 5, 2010 10:42 PM CDT up reply actions
you know this is a parody, right?
Turds!
Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
by ChicagoNativeSon on Jun 5, 2010 11:42 PM CDT up reply actions
why even ask? you know she doesn’t. :)
Italian beefs >> Cheesesteak
Regardless of the Series outcome, Chicago dominates on the important points.
Oh, look at the time!
/shakes watch that hasn’t worked in years, but looks cool, sneaks out of room, grabs handful of popcorn on the way out
Turds!
Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
by ChicagoNativeSon on Jun 6, 2010 12:57 AM CDT up reply actions
oh, sort of a reply fail
I’m sleepy.
Wow, sarcasm and reply fail all in one comment string. I just need a joke fail and I’d have a Katherine-fail hat trick.
was that a joke?
Turds!
Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
by ChicagoNativeSon on Jun 7, 2010 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions
eh, fail?
Italian beefs >> Cheesesteak
Regardless of the Series outcome, Chicago dominates on the important points.
oh, just give me the damn hat trick
and make fun of someone else. Shouldn’t you both be disappointed by the lack of a challenge here? It has to be too easy to make fun of me by now. Hell, even I can do it.
If it sounds too serious to be a joke,
it’s almost certainly a joke.
Unless it’s not. Then the author might be a joke. Or perhaps incapable of getting a joke.
Or is serious about joking. Or maybe satirizing the underlying seriousness of jokes and the need for humans to joke in the face of seriousness.
teaching respect for the Indian, one Red Wing fan at a time.
I almost pissed my pants reading this.
Have you had a drunk guy fall from his seat on top of you?
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."- Tiger Woods
by RolliePollieKovy on Jun 5, 2010 12:39 PM CDT reply actions
Yes.
Game 1, SCF. But neither I nor my wife (who took the brunt of the impact) spilled our beers. Professionals.
teaching respect for the Indian, one Red Wing fan at a time.
Yeah, um...
Sorry about that…
/Note unceasing sarcastic laughter in background.
by burpchelischili on Jun 7, 2010 10:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Nice thats talent. Guy came down from his seats loaded with beer. Started something with the guy next to him and pushed him off the row.
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."- Tiger Woods
by RolliePollieKovy on Jun 8, 2010 4:24 PM CDT up reply actions
hey lets not be offensive around here...
wouldn’t want you to feel the wrath of trixie
satire.
I got a pain in my side on this side, i got a pain on my side on this side. My knees hurt, my elbow hurts like LeBron. Most of all my head hurts, my psyche's hurt. I'm hurting all over my body!
by Where Triples Go to Die on Jun 5, 2010 2:07 PM CDT reply actions
Hopefully..
both the douche bag who posted this and the kid and his family stay at home for game 5 so they can swear and yell and spill gas station bought beer.. or sit quietly and enjoy a pleasant game atmosphere.. Problem solved! God my advice is great.. Less whining and more hockey insight might be good too.
Halak me now..
I think Buff just killed that guy
You should have been fuckin happy they were sitting and not standing up.
Premature standing and 300 dollar tickets don’t mix…fuck.
LUigi was found dead at the scene, murdered by a Chelsea Dagger.
Wow, you're an Asshole!
ART.I§8-11; AM I-XXVII
James Madison is my Hero!
by Toews-makes-funny-faces on Jun 13, 2010 4:15 PM CDT reply actions
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