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You Can't Choose Your Own Nickname

This is a time-honored unwritten rule for guys. Everyone wants a cool-sounding nickname but the truth is few of us are actually cool enough to deserve it. This is why we don't allow our friends to have unwarranted nicknames like "Ace", "Stud", "D-Money", etc. The nicknames we are given have more to do with reality, which is why, for example, my brother's nickname is Chester (as in 'the Molester' due to his penchant for much younger girls back in the day) and not "Destruction", as he wanted but certainly did not deserve. This is why I have friends with nicknames like "Baby Huey", "Little Buddy" (yes, that's a Gilligan reference), "the Brown Guy" (you'll have to use your imaginations here), and "SNAFU". My own nickname of "Ogre" pre-dates Shrek and goes back to 'Revenge of the Nerds'. Hardly flattering.

So, you ask, what does this have to do with hockey? Well, I'm glad you asked because amongst the myriad reasons that I loathe a certain NHL team located in Michigan, is the fact that they chose an undeserved nickname. Toronto and Montreal are cities that live and breathe the sport and both actually embody the name "Hockeytown" while clearly the use of it by Detroit is clearly just a marketing gimmick brought to us by the same conglomerate that gifted us with the brilliant "Pizza! Pizza!" in reference to what can only best be described as a 'pizza-like substance'.

Detroit, you already had some pretty decent and well-earned nicknames in "Motown" and "the Motor City". But you always have to go one step too far. So, what the rest of the nation knows (even the non-hockey fans) about the city is that you are regularly named the most dangerous big city in the country and that no one would ever actually say "Hey, let's go visit Detroit!". Clearly, its the least desirable of the the Original Six cities to visit but it wouldn't surprise me if it came in 30th out of all 30 NHL cities. Therefore, though you may have tried to use your fancy marketing team to cover up the reality, you don't fool us and we all know that Detroit is really just a

They know it, too. How many of their fans actually live in the city?
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