FanPost

Hawks' goal celebrations: a reference guide

Players celebrate goals in many different ways and the Hawks are no exception.. from Big Buff's "Are You Not Entertained" skate-by trolling in VAN to Sharpie's "I'm The Daddy! (literally)" embrace of the crowd at the UC, there are many unique ways of expressing the pleasures of scoring. below I've gathered some of the most popular.

The Patrick Kane "Up Yours, Pal"

Patrick Kane skates in on a shootout attempt.. he slows, dekes, slows more, dekes another 326 times and finally contemptously flicks the puck into the unguarded net while the goalie wonders why he's slid into the parking lot. He skates away, drops to one knee and delivers an uppercut to the air. Then he resumes chewing his mouthguard.

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Appearance: Like Popeye, post spinach ingestion, finally sending Bluto into the Troposphere.

Awesome Because: Using a punching motion considering past history is pure FU.

Variations: Hopping, skipping and jumping all the way down the ice while divesting clothes like a small child told he has to take off his PJs before opening his Christmas presents (see Cup Winner against Philly)

Room For Improvement?: Aside from letting us see it EVERY SINGLE GAME DAMMIT!, maybe he could have a Ference-Moment and get his punching glove 'stuck'.. while facing the Wings bench? Hmmm?

The Marian Hossa "Eurodisco"

Big Hoss smacks his puck through the five hole of an ex-colleague. As the flashing lights come on and the spotlight finds him he delivers a silky smooth cha-cha-cha, as though he has had a flashback to a long ago dancefloor in Bratislava.

Appearance: Like a panda-eyed, sharp dressed (grey double-breasted suit, pink t-shirt, red winklepickers) Mitteleuropean Nightclub Romeo approaching some ladies as the sounds of Whigfield fill the room. Then he hugs Patrick Sharp.

Awesome Because: He's Marion Hossa and you're not, and if he wants to Riverdance after a goal that's his business, right?

Variations: Dropping to his knees and twirling around on the ice like some crazed Slovak driedl (see game 5 OT winner against Preds)

Room For Improvement?: Sharpie takes his hand and the two of them proceed to Tango down to the bench.

The Dave Bolland "Looking Slightly Annoyed"

Bolland, having had an earlier goal ruled out, receives a perfect pass from Leddy and hits a laserbeam into the Ducks net. Turns away, raises his hands briefly and looks slightly annoyed. . Skates to bench.

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Appearance: Like a guy with a flat tire by the side of the road who's just had the hundredth car he's tried to flag down go blowing past him. Those bodies in the trunk ain't getting any fresher, you know.

Awesome Because: It clearly shows that Dave derives little satisfaction from scoring goals. No, his private happiness is to be found elsewhere. Like in the bushes outside your house. Right now. Wait! What was that noi...

Variations: The 'Slight Smirk' in which he looks as though he's fondly remembering the moment when he learned the uses for an angle-grinder, a bucket of porridge and six feet of razor-wire. (see pretty much any goal against Vancouver)

Room For Improvement?: This one is pretty much perfect in every way, shape or form. Maybe the UC could organise a huge clap of thunder?

The Jonathan Toews "Alright, Nothing To See Here Folks"

Toews skates past, around or through practically the entire defense. Flicks puck into net. Allows himself a quick air-punch, an exhortation and a brief hug from nearest teammates. Immediately re-engages Serious Mode.

Blackhawks-kane-and-toews-celebrate-goal-in-chicago_7_medium

Appearance: A man who is rushing to get to his Departure Gate on time desperately battling with Hare Krishnas, charity muggers and pollsters who are slowing him down

Awesome Because: Normally preceded by a highlight-reel goal, a last-minute game-changer or him dragging the entire team around on his back. Sometimes all three simultaneously.

Variations: Score a late, tying, Game 7 shortie while practically horizontal. Just for a split second lose control and start to scamper Kane-Style down the ice before the Behaviour Circuits kick in. Disengage from hug. (You know which one I'm talking about.. sigh)

Room For Improvement?: Don't be silly.

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