Blackhawks Christmas Lists..

by mightymike D on Dec 23, 2011 2:09 PM CST

Following up on a rumour that Mr. Santa Claus Himself had recently attended a Hawks game at the UC incognito (like you're going to pick out a fat guy wearing red on the 300-Level), we discovered the following under a seat, with notes scribbled on the back of a Committed Indian.. seems like Old St. Nick was also checking out the missives that various Hawks had written to him and had scored them on the "Naughty/Nice" CORSI (much the way the Department of Player Safety works, just without the videos).

We have painstakingly matched the notes with Santa's comments.. see below for more details.

Santa Says: "Is there anything further down the 'Naughty' scale than 'Bieksa Naughty? Shit, I'll still go to the little bastard's house because he leaves a glass of Jose Cuervo and a Cheeseburger out instead of that Sherry and Mince-Pie crap"

Santa Says: "Oh Dear Lord! I think little Davey may have misspelled my name.. or got me confused with someone else.. not sure if normal rules of 'Naughty/Nice' apply here.. and last time I went to his house there appeared to be quite a lot of 'Organic Material' blocking up his chimney.. I might leave his Bone Saw in the Hawks front office.. I'm sure he'll put it to good use anyway."

Santa Says: "Aww, this one is definitely in the 'Nice' category.. I wish Big John a Happy Christmas and a new baby as well.. I'll also give him a puchbag with Westgarth's Previous Face on it so he can unwind by removing it again.. but I still want him off my Hockey Team (although maybe we could bring him to the North Pole to motivate the Elfs.. he already looks Looks Good In The Costume )

Santa Says: "Well, He's Marian Hossa and I'm Not.. so I guess he gets what he wants straight away.. although how I'm going to match this up with Tomokop's request to 'Fall over, maybe, not as much a lot?' is anyone's guess.."

FINALLY

Santa Says: "Boy, oh boy, does this guy ever stop being Serious? No, I guess not. I only deliver presents all over the World on one night.. Toews manages to Deliver the 'Hawks a couple of times a week.. "

Santa's Final Say: "well, I guess these Hawks are more Nice than Naughty (as much as that might annoy the Meatheads who hang on Greg Stewart's every word) and their Holiday Video was awesome (although I'd have had No 2 singing "All I Want for Christmas is my ~~seven~~ Two Front Teeth") so, Happy Christmas, Felice Navidad, Happy Chanukah, Kwanz'aa and Festivus to each and every SCH person out there.. and Santa may or may not have a large metal thing all wrapped up for you.. I missed the last Postal date so you might end up getting it in, oh, say June.. don't ruin the surprise by peeking (or peaking) too soon!"

Tweet Comment 52 comments | 19 recs |

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Comments

i've just realised

that the font I used for Bolland is really hard to read..

what he says is:

“Ave Satan
I await Your instructions to begin the Reign Of The Fallen
And a Million Years of Darkness..”
“Could you also bring me a new Bonesaw as mine is now quite blunt and clogged with ‘Matter’
The Wuisthof 4710 with the 20” Blade will do…

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 23, 2011 3:16 PM CST reply actions

You are, as always, Rec-a- Riffic...Happy Holidays, Irishman

No Swagger, No Dagger

by Saskjet on Dec 24, 2011 11:56 AM CST up reply actions

you too, mate!

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 25, 2011 8:07 PM CST up reply actions

Dude

You are on FIRE lately

by The_FFF on Dec 23, 2011 4:33 PM CST reply actions

hahah I love the last line of Fluffy's letter

asking Sami to get less TOI than him…wait, Q is Santa?!?

SCH Narc - check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.

by ahnfire on Dec 23, 2011 4:56 PM CST reply actions

Well done!

by SludgeFeast on Dec 23, 2011 6:10 PM CST reply actions

Frolik Navidad everyone!

Never Die Easy.

by DMelt36 on Dec 23, 2011 8:11 PM CST reply actions

Great

Just great, Mike. You’re an excellent writer. Merry Christmas!

by lisas523 on Dec 23, 2011 8:41 PM CST reply actions

This is awesomely awesome!

Merry Christmas!

by Katherine215 on Dec 23, 2011 9:03 PM CST reply actions

Great job mightymike D

Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

by The Cup And Back Again on Dec 23, 2011 9:11 PM CST reply actions

more please!

Thanks for the laughs, and for helping ease my withdrawal during the break. Got any more?

by patrishie on Dec 23, 2011 9:48 PM CST reply actions

well.. this is Seasonal too..

Dear SCH Types
We know that Chritmas day can sometimes drag a bit, after the presents are opened and dinner is eaten.. luckily, to spare you from watching “it’s A Wonderful Life” for the 18943th time, we have crafted a wonderful game that is fun for all the family..

Presenting Pin The Waylon On The Comment Thread

How To Play:
Simply cut out this handy Thread and attach to a wall or elderly relative.

Thread

Now also clip this random comment,

Waylon

affix to a dart, pin or other sharp object, blindfold yourself and throw in the general direction of the Thread.. Instant Hilarity!

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 23, 2011 10:32 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs

Well done sir

Happy birthday and holidays. Whatever SCH is paying you its not enough

by Z-man24 on Dec 23, 2011 10:29 PM CST via mobile reply actions

Hey, my agent has managed

to argue them down to three buttons and a slightly creased picture of Omar Sharif..

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 23, 2011 10:34 PM CST up reply actions

I'd hold out for a John Scott bobble head

by Z-man24 on Dec 23, 2011 11:04 PM CST via mobile up reply actions

In my dreams! I'm payiong them enough already!

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 23, 2011 11:09 PM CST up reply actions

If by paying

You mean contributing with intelligent comments and just being damn funny, then I agree you pay them enough

by Z-man24 on Dec 23, 2011 11:47 PM CST via mobile up reply actions

still laughing

Mike

Serious issues my friend ::gg:: It takes a very twisted, brilliant comedic mind to come up with such hysterical stuff … well done!!!

To all of SCH world – very best wishes for a healthy and Happy New Year. Brightens the day to read whatever the Gary Larson-induced humor brings on any given day.

by MoneyBoy on Dec 24, 2011 9:39 AM CST reply actions

OT: Help

Sorry to put this here but wanted to put it where people would see it.

Our Christmas list includes a trip to Chi-town this coming week, and attendance at the LA and Detroit games! (Happy dance!)

So I had a few logistics questions like, how early should we head to the games, what is the parking situation, and any recommendations for places to eat beforehand (and how early to get there), and where do I go to get a copy of the CI?

Thanks, and I hope everyone here has a very Happy Christmas!

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 24, 2011 10:41 AM CST reply actions

You have a few options

First, the official/unofficial lots around the UC range from $12-35. Gates open 1.5 hours before puck drop. I’d get to the UC early enough for the pre-game skate if you have kids (30-45 minutes early). The ushers let you go up to the glass at this time, regardless of ticket. You should be in your seats 10ish minutes before the start time in order to watch the pre-game videos and anthem.

Unfortunately, the only food in the immediate vicinity is the Billy Goat tavern, which gets packed (and generally sucks, IMO).

The two closest decent places (10-15 minute walk) are West End and Beer Bistro on Madison. If you can find parking around them (or valet), they both run shuttles to the stadium. However, as the closest “good” bars to the UC…they can get packed. But..good food, good beer selection.

Several other bars/restaurants run shuttles to the UC, and this is my preferred method of parking/pre-gaming (no tailgating allowed at the UC).

The Bottom Lounge (a favorite of the TOS) shares a shuttle with Reggies. Good food, beer AND ample free street parking nearby. Hope you like heavy metal (the bus has a single-genre playlist and is painted like it transports the children of Hades to school in the morning..distinctive, but otherwise the bus is fine).

My favorite (but farther away) is Haymarket Brewpub on Randolph by the expressway. Valet park for $10 (or look for street parking). Great microbrew beer (brewed on site) and food. They run a couple of shuttle runs to the UC and one of the brewmasters is usually on the bus offering free samples of his craft to ease the journey.

There are definitely others, but I don’t have any personal experience with them.

Have a great time!

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet"

by chidiver on Dec 24, 2011 11:53 AM CST up reply actions

Chidiver, what L- stop is closest to the UC?

No Swagger, No Dagger

by Saskjet on Dec 24, 2011 11:57 AM CST up reply actions

There are a couple

The absolute closes is the Medical Center (Damen/Paulina) stop on the Blue Line. The Green Line Ashland stop has the added benefit of being right by the Bottom Lounge, but its a few blocks farther.

There’s also an express Madison bus on game days (#19, I think)

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet"

by chidiver on Dec 24, 2011 12:06 PM CST up reply actions

Super thanks a lot

No Swagger, No Dagger

by Saskjet on Dec 24, 2011 12:17 PM CST up reply actions

Carmichael's

Great Chicago steak joint/ bar 5 blocks away with a shuttlebus and free parking.

For a 7:30 game, get to Carmichael’s at 5:30- 6pm. If no tables available, they serve dinner menu at the bar as well. Great food. And atmosphere.

by NiemiNation on Dec 25, 2011 11:21 AM CST up reply actions

Bus #19....Coincidence?

I think not.

Anyway, thanks for the huge laugh MMD. And Merry Christmas SCH!

It's on, bitches.
Tweeping as @ehirtens

by hawkeytalk on Dec 25, 2011 4:34 PM CST up reply actions

I was unaware the metal bus exists

I must use this as transport to all games!

by BodomSlayer on Dec 24, 2011 6:35 PM CST via mobile up reply actions

Thanks so much

Does the Bottom Lounge have a section for minors? The future Mrs. Toews isn’t of drinking age yet.

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 25, 2011 1:10 AM CST up reply actions

Don't know

I’d call and check policies. There’s probably a legal line between restaurant and bar in chicago..i just don’t know the parameters. There also may be allowances for accompanied minors.

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet"

by chidiver on Dec 25, 2011 7:45 AM CST up reply actions

While it has been MANY YEARS

since I was a minor, if accompanied by and adult a minor was usually permitted, but that was a long time ago. Probably best to check prior.

No worries, this was the plan all along!

by Tuke on Dec 25, 2011 10:15 AM CST up reply actions

Other options (most with a shuttle bus)

Since I also have the misfortune of working in the area (not for the hawks).. Apart from Bottom lounge (have actually never been, before a hawks game or otherwise, unfortuantely) and Billy Goat (which as mentioned, gets reeeally packed and is.. not that great):

Moretti’s, Jackson and Paulina
Pretty sure they let in the younger folks, but it’s pretty terrible. Service is lousy, food is meh (more/better selection than billy goat, but much, much more costly), booze selection is practically nonexistant. Pretty awful. I don’t know why I even put this on here.

Union Park, Jackson and Racine (what I would most recommend)
Now we’re talkin’! Doesn’t really get packed, quick walk from blue line Racine stop if you CTA, big parking lot if you drive. I’m less sure they let in minors, but the food is much better, the booze selection is very good, the staff is friendly. Prices are on the middling-higher side, but much more worth it. Their shuttle bus is usually pretty lively (in a good way!), playlist is a little more.. relaxed than Bottom Lounge.

If you just want food, there are very few more restauranty places around that for sure let in the younger crowd. My favorite probably is a place called Angels (it’s Mexican food) at Ashland and Jackson, their hours can be pretty weird though so they might be closed… I would check. There’s also a Church’s chicken (Jackson/Ogden), and a subway and a little pizza place right next to each other (Madison/Ogden, near the Billy Goat).

Hope it’s helpful, have a great time!

No no, never never.
Why not?
Against the rules. You know, you're stupid when you do that.

by Just some English pig with no brains on Dec 25, 2011 10:34 AM CST up reply actions

Thanks for all the advice

Right now I think I am leaning toward the Haymarket…will give them a call once we get into town.

Merry Christmas to all…and I am giving this a shot: Pictured below my present from my eldest daughter.

(She’s the one of legal age :)

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 25, 2011 2:49 PM CST up reply actions

Well that didn't work...

Created a flickr account, trying again:

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 25, 2011 3:03 PM CST up reply actions

OK, so whats the secret?

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 25, 2011 3:03 PM CST up reply actions

Click the little tree icon

then paste in the URL of the picture.

It's on, bitches.
Tweeping as @ehirtens

by hawkeytalk on Dec 25, 2011 4:39 PM CST up reply actions

Hmmm....

Thats what i did. Showed up as an tag. Then when I preview and/or post I get nothing…

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 25, 2011 5:06 PM CST up reply actions

* image tag

by ToewsFatherInLaw on Dec 25, 2011 5:06 PM CST up reply actions

CI

Sam and his minions are usually standing at the corners of the UC waving the CI over their head.

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet"

by chidiver on Dec 24, 2011 11:59 AM CST up reply actions

Great stuff MMD

Happy holidays to my game day friends. Be safe in your merriness!

No worries, this was the plan all along!

by Tuke on Dec 24, 2011 1:09 PM CST reply actions

Supremely excited for my first trip to the UC in far, far too long on Monday. Hope I get to see some of you wacky people.

stay still. shut up. pay attention. adopt as signature moves.
bitches couldn't possibly know about my modal epistemology
Twitter

by JuliaM on Dec 24, 2011 7:04 PM CST reply actions

Happy Holidays

to all y’all

It’s 8AM Christmas Day here and I have a hangover that’s directly related to the bottle of Tequila my thoughtful Anaheim-Supporting brother got me for my birthday.. good start to the day!

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 25, 2011 2:23 AM CST reply actions

Same to you, MMD, hope Santy brought you a giant inflatable Saskatchewan Roughrider chair...your new second favourite sports team...

No Swagger, No Dagger

by Saskjet on Dec 25, 2011 9:00 AM CST up reply actions

all I want for Chhristmas..

is to have to support a mediocre CFL team? (kidding!)

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 25, 2011 8:09 PM CST up reply actions

Merry Christmas (or wahtever is celebrated in your home) to all!

and many Hawks victories for everyone!

No worries, this was the plan all along!

by Tuke on Dec 25, 2011 10:18 AM CST reply actions

This is hysterical as usual

Rec’s all around! Merry Christmas, mmD.

by mad-hatter on Dec 25, 2011 4:08 PM CST reply actions

Good stuff mke D

Let's Go Hawks!

by K_Dog on Dec 25, 2011 10:14 PM CST reply actions

where's my "I"?

If it’s missing I’ll have to call in the Police.. as I suspect “Vowel-Play” (don’t hate me!)

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 26, 2011 11:40 AM CST up reply actions

I should have "noun" you would "consonantly" complain about this

I refuse to recognize/recognise the recent addition of said letter “i” to your name!

Let's Go Hawks!

by K_Dog on Dec 27, 2011 9:10 AM CST up reply actions

Good stuff boss.

Maybe next year some concussion-based wishes from Seabrook?

Furious George! What happened to your beautiful face?!?

by AirTrafficAJ on Dec 26, 2011 6:42 AM CST reply actions

"Dear Easter Bunny

For Diwali I would like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. painted silver and a magic horse called Archbishop Cheesemouth Higgins. And a pound of dampness."

something like that?

enough of the niceties: time for the eye-gouging..
and yes, I probably *should* be asleep right now!

by mightymike D on Dec 26, 2011 7:19 AM CST up reply actions

Signed

Stan Lee, Hockey Guy.

Furious George! What happened to your beautiful face?!?

by AirTrafficAJ on Dec 26, 2011 12:07 PM CST up reply actions

Dude

You are a seriously demented, sick, fucked up individual. Awesome! I have just added having a drink (or 10) with you some day to my bucket list. Great work, as always.

See if you can guess what I am now.

by IndianHeadCrest on Dec 27, 2011 11:03 AM CST reply actions