Dear Supreme Being
Earlier, as a public service to 'Hawks Nation, I posted an entreaty to whichever deity casts a benevolent eye over Hockeyland. This, I felt, would be enough to ensure the Crapture doesn't happen. Sadly it appears that this plea has fallen on deaf ears. However, being a man of faith, I'm willing to give it another shot...
It's me again.
I'm the one who kept believing in you when it looked like a Bieksa goal was going to eliminate the 'Hawks.
I'm the one who had faith that Nemo would sink the 'Nucks, just for old time's sake.
I'm the one who tried to laugh when Ben Eager lost the freaking plot.
Despite all these setbacks and suffering, I've held on to the belief that you'll come through for me in the final reckoning and prevent the End Of Days
So what's going on, Oh Great One?
2-0? Aren't you cutting it a bit fine? I understand dramatic tension, suspense and all that. But seriously. It's time to get on it. OK?
Remember, Mighty One, that the Canucks are an Abomination unto you. They practice Foul Rituals. They have created an army of Hideous Mutants to destroy us all by boring us to death. Hell, they've even become so depraved that Cannibalism and Human Sacrifice have become widespread.
This shit has to stop, O Lord.
As your humble servant I am prepared to make whatever sacrifice or penance you require.
If it is Your will I promise to
- Read every comment on the Puck Daddy Thread about Matt Cooke next time he tries to kill somebody. Yes, EVERY comment.
- Stop mocking Pierre McGuire's appearance. Soon.
- Show some compassion to Red Wings fans: it's not their fault that they're assholes who live in a decaying Nightmarish, Haunted Hellhole
- Pray nightly for the deliverance of the soul of Chris Pronger (It should've come last week but UPS called while he was out sucking the blood from injured kittens)
- Look at This Picture for a solid hour every day. Without blinking. Or crying.
- Swap livers with Kaner
See, Merciful One, I'm prepared to keep up my end. (No, not like that!)
How about you? Have a good think in your infinite wisdom.. do you really want to see Alain V all happy or do we want the only shiny metal thing he gets involved with this summer to be this?
(On that subject, they're stating to overdo the CIA/Illuminati/Space Alien Protection Apparel up there in BC.. must be all the weed..)
It's up to you, Chief. But whatever tricks you have up your sleeve, play them fast. Time is very, very short