FanPost

SCH for Dummies - SCH Updated Essential Guide to Nicknames/Memes

There has been some talk in the comments of a dire need to encapsulate all of the terms/memes/nicknames unique to the glorious SCH community. So for the benefit of all SCHers new, old, and just generally slow upstairs, here is an updated version of BigCSouthside's "SCH Essential Guide to Nicknames/Memes". Most of it I just took from BigC's original post from April 2010, but added all the relevant SCH goodness that has transpired since then. I removed most of the former players for the sake of brevity. If you think someone should be put back in then fuck you let me know.

If I'm missing anything or I am wrong about something (pfft, like that could possibly happen), or "you just want to call me an asshole or something more creative", please comment below.

--------------Players/Coaches, A-Z by first name----------------

(new players will be added once they acquire nicknames/memes)

Andrew Shaw 65: His arrival and subsequent scoring streak inspired #Shawfacts, a twitter phenomenon akin to Chuck Norris Facts. He has been dubbed Rat 2.0 for his Bolland-like asshole-ish to other teams. Also owns the luckiest pair of shin guards in the league (at least 3 goals scored off of them so far).

Ben Smith 28: BEN SMITH!!! (for his Game 6 OT GWG goal, as called by John Wiedeman) Agent Smith, He's stout and built like a fire hydrant. girlphoenix's future husband (or maybe current husband?)

Brent Seabrook 7: Seabs, Biscuit (a reference to Seabiscuit)

Bryan Bickell 29: "You talkin' to me?" (A reference to DeNiro's "Travis Bickle" from Taxi Driver). Mistakenly called "Byron" by Doc Emrick, leading to the nickname Lord Byron.

Corey Crawford 50: Crawdaddy, The Crow, Mr. Crowley, Mouseketeer because he looks young enough to be one.

Cristobal Huet: Huey, Frenchie, The Man From France. Also, commonly referred to by using a string of expletives on SCH. Safely stowed away somewhere in Europe.

Dan Carcillo 13: Carbomb. Asshat that we now have to defend from other fans calling him an asshat. Kane and Hossa nicknamed him Luigi. In response, Carcillo shaved his mustache and called Kane a racist.

Dave Bolland 36: Fabulous Weapon, Weapon (a reference to Eagles of Death Metal). Rat (he's a pest to play against). His eyes indicate he is 75% psychopath. Known amongst the Sedins and Vancouver's fanbase as the cause of their "Brown Pants Syndrome". "Since he looks like Dave Byrne of the Talking Heads, is a psycho, and stops the Sedins every year in the playoffs (Same as it ever was), we should call him Psycho Killer" - paraphrased from docks.

Duncan Keith 2: D2K, Jigsaw (reference to character from Saw, because his teammates claim he's kind of psycho scary and methodical) Duncs (or "Dunky" if you are reading Trixie's now famous Days of our Defense). Teeth, in reference to his goddamn heroism in the 2010 WCF, losing 7 teeth in Game 4 and only missing a few shifts. Admonished for comments made late in the 2011 season that made him sound like he didn't care about hockey anymore...so we should trade him.

Jamal Mayers 22: Jammer. Not to be confused with Hjammer or Hammer.

Joel Quenneville: Q, Q-Stache, Stache, favorite hobbies include using the random line generator and benching Stalberg.

Jonathan Toews 19: Tazer (Ill give you 3 guesses why), Captain, or Captain Marvel (Note the C on his sweater). Captain Serious (because he is one serious motherfucker)

Johnny Oduya 27: His nicknames are the puns associated with his name. Ex. "I think his last name has a lot of pun-potential." "Oduya?" Roenick is jealous now because Oduya's wearing his old number, but Roenick thinks it should be retired.

Marcus Kruger 16: JuliaM's son, Freddy (still not forgiven for not wearing #13), The Second Coming of Zetterberg, Dream Warrior. According to Stan Bowman, his call-up from Europe in late 2011 was "all part of the plan", so that's a meme now. Known more recently as Frogger due to the seemingly high number of big hits he receives. Is that spelled correctly? "Receives"? Looks wrong to me. Anyway...

Marian Hossa 81: Panda (was sad panda, a name acquired during the playoffs while he was still serving his time in hell, aka Detroit, now its just Panda (a very rich Panda at that). Dat Horsa Guy (a Canadian/Minnesota style pronunciation of his name, possible reference to his speed as well) Also H-1000, because he is a fucking machine. Smoke Monster, from the Twitterverse during the 2010 Cup run.

Michael Frolik 67: Kelso (for resembling Michael Kelso from That '70s Show), Frolick (either a common typo, or what we like to think Kane calls him). He has prominent eyebrows, a derptastic face, and he may never score a goal again for all eternity based on his 2011-2012 season.

Mike Haviland: Havy, He's awesome. He's so fucking happy.

Mike Kitchen: Kitch. As much as we love Havy, we despise Kitch.

Nick Leddy 8: "Has been called "rabbit", this is no way in reference to his speed, but since he wears 8, he was called "fake johnsson". Now a fake "johnson" would be a dildo, so instead of calling him "dildo", "Rabbit" slyly references a feature on a popular women's sex toy...google it if you can't figure it out."

Niklas Hjalmarsson 4: Go to IKEA, pick up an item, and read its Swedish name and you probably have a nickname for him (TOFTBO is the most common from a commercial he did) also, Hjammer, Hammer, and Meatball. Older: Nintendo (Super Nintendo Chalmers) Hjalphabet, Jelly (His AHL Nickname). He's a goon because someone said he is after his suspension in early 2011 for his hit on Jason Pominville.

Patrick Kane 88: Kaner, Lazy, Doctor/Dr Kane (A name revealed in a BHTV episode that his teammates call him because he's surgical) 20 Cent (in reference to the infamous "Cabbie Punching" incident, and because he's so hood). Known for his rumored drunken conquests and ingestion of copious amounts of potentially illicit chemical substances. Most of us enable his terrible habits by laughing at them. Black Magic for what he does with the puck. I think gmh said it best - "...but the devil lives inside this kid, I swear it. It rises out of him in a mist, this baby-faced defiant wrathful version of Pat Kane, escapes his bodily confines to perform satanic miracles all over the offensive zone. The only thing more fearsome than that assist was the keep-in preceding it. The only thing more unholy than his face is his black magic." BLou thinks he sucks, though. justforkicks will kill you if you criticize him, so watch out.

Patrick Sharp 10: Sharpie, Sharp Shooter, Shooter...or panty melter, cuz lets face it, chicks dig him. "If only he shot it 6 inches higher" is the phrase meant to restore the pain felt when he didnt bury the one-timer in Game 7 of the 2011 Canucks' series. He is a center, but he is a winger. You decide. He is known as the peacemaker between Kane and Toews during their constant bickering and mutual hatred for each other (exaggerated for effect)

Stan Bowman: GM, StanBo, We generally don't hate him yet.

Viktor Stalberg 25: Vickberg, VerSWEDE!, Vik Rattlehead (or simply Rattlehead) a reference to the Megadeath mascot (name appointed by the CI as official nickname). Lemonhead, a reference to his infamous PS attempt where he hit all three posts but didn't score. Also, there is no 'h' in Stalberg. Stop calling hims "Stahls", people! I think Katherine215 currently owns the rights to Stalberg, but it might be stacie7.

-----------------LINES/DEFENSIVE PAIRINGS---------------------

Daydream Nation: DDN, The combination of Toews and Kane on the ice, combined they are 1988, the year the album of the same name was released, and their birth years

Hammer of the Gods: Hossa, Toews, Sharp, aka Opposition D shits their pants line

Hammer Soup: Soupy/Hammer combo (Reference to Children's book, no you cant "Click to Look Inside"), also suggested Meatball Soup or Italian Wedding (because they are actual soups that involve meatballs). Now defunct :(

Hand Banana: Kane and Hossa

Hossbollah: Hossa, or I think the combination of Hossa and Bolland

Jelly Biscuit: Hjalmarsson + Seabrook on D

KaHossBomb: Pronounced "Chaos Bomb". Kane-Hossa-Carcillo

Marlboro 72: The bromantic and professional combination of Seabrook and Keith, a reference to the Marlboro cigarettes of the same name

The Madison St. Globetrotters: Sharp, Toews, Kane (a reference to Foley saying "It looks like the Harlem Globetrotters out there")

The Rat Pack: Bolland, Bickell, and Frolik

Three-Six Mafia: Any line centered by Bolland, especially when Bolland is in full Rat-mode.

-------------------OTHER TEAMS/PLAYERS/COACHES/Etc. (mostly randomly ordered)------------------

Bluesers: St Louis Blues...fuck them

Davis Payne: The now former head coach of the Blues. He lacks a first name, so fuck that guy

Nucks, Cannots: The Canucks, most of their fans are cool, but their team is a bunch of bastards. They hail from the city of Vancoufire, named after the Stanley Cup riots.

SCUM: Detroit, typically preceded by some kind of vulgarity

JHC: Jesus Havlat Christ

Lu, Reboundo: Roberto Luongo

Maxim Lapierre: He resembles an aye-aye (see, "Aye aye"). Look it up. Or ask mightymike D to show you.

Alex Burrows: Diver, hair-puller, finger-biter, groin-kneer. Fuck that guy

Fucking Criminal Asshole: Todd Bertuzzi

Ovie: Ovechkin

Beaver Face: Tomas Holmstrom. Look at him.

Flying Elbow: Watch Niklas Kronwall play and you'll get the idea. Also applicable to Justin Abdelkader.

Horse Face: Attributes of Johan Franzen and Taylor Hall.

Wiener Tucker: Rick Nash "Back in the dark days when tickets to the 300 level were plentiful, McClure was at a game when a guy (also on the 300 level) yelled “RICK NASH IS A WIENER TUCKER”. This was apparently quite audible on the ice, because Rick Nash possibly looked up upon hearing this. and thus, the legend was born." However, no proof is available, so the correct term would be "Alleged (or purported) wiener tucker"

Thing 1 and 2, Honk and Donk, The Twins, The Ugly Ones: Henrik and Daniel Sedin, world-class Swedish diving champions, whine connoisseurs, fowards for the Vancoufire Cannots best known for their regular season offensive brilliance and postseason turtling in the face of competition. Using "Sedin Sisters" incenses hostile feelings, so stay away from that (see, 'NO NO WORDS').

Turd Burglar: Matt Cooke. "He burgles all the turds". aka, King Fucktard

Bag of dicks: Cam Janssen

Paste Eater: Ben Eager, or equivalent

Pavelsteeg: Joe Pavelski, because he looks oddly familiar to Kris Versteeg. A vortex is created when they are on the ice at the same time.

Jabba the Hitch: Ken Hitchcock. Look at him.

AV: Alain Vigneault. Head coach of the Canucks. A fucking turd of a coach. Complained the Hawks were running up the score on them because we had Nick Boynton running a powerplay. All-around douchebag.

Brent Sopel: Catfish (I believe in reference to his striking similarity in appearance to the fish of the same name) Caveman, because he fucking looks like one. Puck Magnet, Sergeant Sopel

Marty Turco: Crimson Dynamo, Turc, sometimes called "sparkle motion" due to his old pads. TK-421, because he constantly leaves his post (Star Wars reference). The ultimate bench troll for his in-game antics. Trolling instances include the Pierre McGuire eye roll, the Roman Polak door-opener, and the Habs' fan wager.

Kim Johnsson: Dead on Arrival, any variation of penis puns.

Brian Campbell: Soupy (like Campbell's soup, get it?), Ginger (note the hair) 51 Phantom (a reference to North Mississippi AllStars, according to my fact checkers). The meathead's favorite booing target.

Fernando Pisani: Pope-Ah, because he's Italian and all Italians talk like that. Porkins, because he is useless and just gets blown up (also a Star Wars reference)

Kris Versteeg: VERSTEEG!!! number of exclamation points depended on his playing level.

John Scott 32: Lurch, Murderasaurus, Tree, Treebeard, Little John. Known as "Fluffy" until he actually uses his size to his advantage. Scoot, due to a quite appropriate typo by justforkicks given his skating style. A favorite of the SCH meathead contingent. Most appreciated for revealing the hidden anatomy of Kevin Westgarth's face in super slo-mo and keeping Turco company on the bench. Once played on the powerplay in a playoff game...remember that?

-------------MISC INFO/BLOG RELATED PHRASES/MEMES--------------

'a': A response used when you want to argue a point, but realize the futility in arguing, as it would be like discussing quantum physics with a table lamp. If you're a nice guy like burpchelischili, this means that you saw the comment and read it but do not agree with it and wish not to partake in further discussion.

Aye ayes: mightymike D likes to post pictures of aye ayes, mostly to annoy ahnfire and the rest of the seeing community. Also a reference to Maxim Lapierre's turd face.

Badgerdano: (as per ahnfire) When someone (usually Badgerdano) takes a comment at face value for humorous purposes. Example: comment - "rec this comment", reply - "ok, but I don't see what's so great about your comment"

Ban-Hammer: The SBN weapon of choice against trolls. If you are threatened with this, shut the fuck up.

Ben Eager Hat Trick: One dumbass penalty per period.

Blouper: The name for a comment made by BLou after a Blackhawks' loss that foretells the death, destruction, and ubiquitous melancholy of Blackhawk Nation that will soon follow. Often based on illogical semi-reasoning, abundant fallacies, and hyperbolic assessments of the lack of talent and/or effort in the current roster. The rare "Inverse Blouper" can sometimes be spotted after wins, and these are unusually optimistic in nature, but still share some of the properties of regular "Bloupers".

"Bogarting all the hits": Hitting everything in site, seemingly for the purpose of padding his hits stats and preventing teammates from catching him in the category. Also applicable to goals, assists, wins, and alcohol.

Bollie Line: 36% at the faceoff dot

Bottom Lounge, Whirlaway: Two establishments where SCH members gather so they dont have to drink aloneall the time

Charity: The greatest measure of a player's sportsmanship and classiness. A player that has one is allowed to be a douche on the ice and dive all the time.

Chelsea Dagger: "The Dagger. The preferred musical score (from The Fratellis) during the celebration of Hawks success in goals and wins, also known to cause ulcers, urination, and trembles in opposing goalies and players while played or even the thought of being played, fuck even recordings in the locker room make other players shit themselves (Exhibit A). Opposing fans hate it, Hawks fans love that other teams hate it so much. Has been known to be shortly preceded by Sandstorm on numerous occasions." -- TMFF

Chicago Sports Media: Generally incompetent (there are exceptions), so you're better off reading here. I heard Rozner is really good.

Clownshoes: The often lamented Blackhawk's Power Play, also known as beer reload time, because you wont miss much. Often prefixed by "Fucking" (adjective).

Cruel and Unusual Punishment: The NHL on NBC

Days of Our Defense ('Defence' in Canadian markets): SCH original programming written by our resident mom, Trixietrx (currently AWOL), chronicling the harrowing tale of the Marlboro 72 defensive pair following their dramatic trip to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics.

Disrespect to Country/Flag/Troops: What some people think we do when we cheer during the National Anthem. People who think this are defined later (see: Mouthbreathers)

DLR: David Lee Roth, "Everybody Wants Some" reserved for when the Hawks beat the shit out of someone, the soundtrack to an ass beating. Standard rule of thumb is a 5-goal differential.

DTM: A mysterious troll (whose full name will not be repeated) that rampaged through SCH during times of crisis to proclaim his overwhelming genius for correctly incorrectly predicting the 2011 Blackhawks would miss the postseason.

Douchebag, asshat, fuckhead, penis head, douchenozzle, dildo, fuckstick etc: Many times these are referring to Pierre McGuire (usually preceded by "Mc"), just be sure to check the context, they could also be used for Millbury, Bettman, a ref, or an opposing player (like Bertuzzi, Wisniewski)

Edzo: Eddie Olczyk. Likes to play with "crayons". Personality/nature of comments of Edzo depends on which network he is on at the time. Catch phrases include "Stop it right here!", "stick on stick, stick on puck", "for all young young hockey players out there", "Eeeeeemmediately", "Tree turdy tree left in the turd" (adopted by Pat Foley), "RIGHT NOW!", "forwards have the D, D have the forwards", etc. (see below)

Edzo Bingo: http://www.jeffcohenonline.com/edzobingo works as a drinking game, have a case of beer on standby. related, Foley/Edzo Drinking Game: "Active Sticks" "Young Hockey Players" "Crash the Net" etc earn you drinks, again, have a case of beer at the foot of the couch, you wont have time to get up and go to the fridge.

Eggs/Laaarmer's eggs: During a postgame thread, laaarmer began seeing little eggs appear after players' names, which led to the newegg website when he clicked on them. No one else saw these, so we all assumed laaarmer was going insane. Here it is if you want to relive what some consider the funniest thread in recent SCH history

flec'd: At some point early in the 2011-2012 season, SBN had some update that caused the Rec button thing to be weird so when you 'Rec' someone, it looks like you flagged it. Died on July 9th, 2012 (or earlier, we don't keep track of these things). RIP, you glitchy bastard.

FUUUUUUCK: Common expression of displeasure in response to current events.

"Fuck you, Alberts!": Directed at dickbag Andrew Alberts after a scrum during a Hawks/Nucks game. It was picked up by a live mic on the ice and played on live TV. Origin suspected to be Troy Brouwer.

GDT: Game Day Thread. Consists of individual First, Second, and Third Period threads for the purposes of commenting during games. Companion threads are the pre-game and post-game threads. At the end of each thread (excluding post-game) a link will be provided (quite possibly in the form of a picture) to direct everyone to the new thread. This is mostly for the benefit of BigCSouthside since he's bad at keeping up with us.

Gordie Howe Hat Trick: Not an SCH thing, but still worth a mention. Goal, assist, and a fight in the same game for one player.

HIBLD: "Hi Im Bob LeDonne" The official start to our "AA" Meetings. A traditional start to each gamethread, rec it if you see it.

I-90 Shuffle, Rockford Shuffle: Named after Interstate-90 which runs between Rockford and Chicago (and beyond), this references the constant shuffling of players between the NHL and AHL for the Blackhawks, either for development reasons (i.e. Jack Skille and Cam Barker before final departures) or cap space crunches (i.e. Nick Leddy on off-days).

Kool-Aid: Digital drink distributed by Stacie7 during especially stressful times for SCHers to restore optimism points.

Kopecky Hat Trick: Whiff on a shot, fall down, lose helmet, all in the same game, an natural Kop Trick is all 3 in one play.

Laaarmer: When the same person replies to their own comment. Named after the scholarly laaarmer for his frequent use of this technique.

Ledge, The: A place of permanent residence for Hawk fans during the rough times (see, March 2010 or most of the 2011 season) A ledge-jumper is someone that greatly overreacts to a loss by proclaiming the team is shit.

Mods: The moderators. Ahnfire, Stacie7, Skeen, Skags (Did I do it right?). Also known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse due to the unrelenting torment they cast unto the peaceful and innocent citizenry for no reason but to quench their everlasting thirst for children's tears.

Mouthbreather: People who yell SHOOOOOOT or HIT HIM! or SKAAAAAAATE!. These people also probably couldn't define icing for you if you asked. I'm pretty sure some of these goobers are in the background during Intermission Live at home games. Also, people who support Detroit or St. Louis.

OT: Off-Topic (sometimes means overtime, check the context). Asking when you should shovel snow during a blizzard during a pre-game thread would be considered OT. Spelled O/T in some dialects.

Palomino: the official "safe word" (reference to an SNL skit, wikipedia it if you dont know) "to reign things in when the slide into utterly depraved starts to appear inevitable … and some of the rest wish to stop things before we go over the cliff."-krome

Pat Foley: Common belief around SCH is he is frequently under chemical influences during games. He annoys the hell out of us, but we love him like that weird uncle.

PK: Many times one of the best scoring opportunities for the Hawks in any given game (see 'Clownshoes'). aka "Hossa Time", "Blackhawks Power Play", "Hawks PP".

Rally Rats: From the awesome Kia commercials with the hamsters driving around. Posting images into the game thread after the commercial airs should lead to a rally/comeback. Stacie hates them, so keep this alive please.

RockVegas, The Rock, The A: Rockford, Illinois; home of the Icehogs (Blackhawks' AHL affliate) and Jack Skille's potential.

Sandstorm: You know that really popular/overplayed, catchy, and annoying techno tune? Well, it's the Hawks' PP song, so yell it when you hear it. gmh loves this song.

Sarcasm: Default mode for most commenters.

Scarlett Game: When one player, or players scores a shitload of points, because it is "sexier than Scarlett Jo in a corset, serving me pizza and beer, and blowing me during the intermissions"

SCH Street Hockey Club: SCH SHC. Where talented and talentless bored people meet to test their conditioning by putting on rollerblades and hope to be able to control a puck. Founded circa 2011. In need of more people (talent is not at all necessary. If you can turn/stop on rollerblades, you're probably better than me), so talk to Billy Charlesbois. The 2012 season is currently underway.

Scott Hat Trick: Broken stick on 3 shots in one game, or period, or possibly shift. Based on a true story.

Shit the Bed: To fail epically and completely. Isn't this common knowledge?

Shoot the Puck Skank/Bimbo: A usually physically appealing woman (usually in a jersey 3 sizes too small) who is generally not too bright who is chosen to participate in the shoot the puck contest

Skills Competition, Lightsaber Duel, Punt Pass Kick Competition, Freethrow Contest, HR Derby, Tiddlywinks Competition, Beer Pong, Flip Cup Contest, Shirtless Slap Fight, etc: The Shootout

Special Times: A typo of "special teams" by justforkicks that is incredibly apt based on the struggles of both the powerplay (see, "clownshoes") and the penalty kill as of this writing. See justforkicks? You made it on here! Congrats.

"Take off the shield" = "Stop being a pussy"

"This...is why you were fired as ____": Billy Charlesbois' reply to me whenever I have something negative to say, usually related to the SCH SHC. He's trying to popularize it. It will never work. What a dumbass, right?

"Toivonen - LADY!": Imagine Jerry Lewis as the Icehogs announcer and you'll get the joke. If you want laaarmer to shut up, type this and he'll be laughing so hard he'll stop typing.

That Which Shall Not be Named: The 35 lb drinking vessel of noble patronage, typically hoisted by a victorious group of hockey players at the culmination of a successful playoff run. Replaced by the Presidents' Trophy in Vancouver.

Thread Fail: Commenting in the wrong thread during a game and wondering why no one is there until stacie7 or ahnfire come and rescue you from eternal loneliness. Zachilles once thread fail'd so hard, he wound up in a fanpost while he thought he was in a GDT. Laugh at him.

TITLE: You just posted an image and didn't use a title, you jackass. Put a title in there so people can minimize the comment so it doesn't take up so much space. You turd.

Toewsface: The odd facial contortions Toews makes during games. A necessary display of grotesqueness to offset the sheer brilliance and beauty of whatever The Captain is about to unleash.

ToS: Triumvirate of Stupid, the name for the the supergroup comprised of Fels, McClure, and Killion. Hack is not included because he didn't pass the Stupid Test. Or is it fail?

Tradesman's Entrance: The powerplay's cliche, predictable, and mostly unsuccessful backdoor play. "not only a snobby British term for backdoor but also a slang term for the bum.. which is appropriate in the circumstances…" -- mightymike D

Troll: Common internet desgination for annoying fuckers. However, it is important to define. Common traits of a troll are a) new account, b) few (or zero) posts at home blog, c) completely ridiculous posts insulting players/team using ad hominem attacks, d) shows up when Blackhawks lose, e) touts their (more than likely grossly exaggerated) personal physical traits and challenges commenters to fights. Someone is not a troll because they disagree. They are a troll because their only purpose is to stir shit up for the purposes of enraging rival fans.

Unlimited Mullet Potential: There used to be a commercial on CSN advertising some sales job in the suburbs of Chicago. They stressed the "unlimited income potential" while showing some dude (this dude!) with a mullet. So, we obviously came up with this phrase as a rallying cry for our Blackhawks. Also works well with Kane's playoff mullet.

Waylon: A reply fail, named after Waylon for his common reply failings. Acknowledge it first and we won't make fun of you.

Inverse Waylon: Calling a reply fail when there is no reply fail. A specialty of Waylon's.

Natural Waylon: A Waylon to a Waylon. Or, a reply fail when trying to acknowledge a reply fail.

Z'd: Similar to "a". Means "this comment looks incredibly stupid, so I'm just going to skip it". Derived from the Z button's function.

NO NO WORDS/TOPICS: Derogatory/Sexist/"Homophobic" epithets (the "F" word, yes, you can still say fuck, the bad one rhymes with "bag"), slang terms for the mentally challenged. Cubs/Sox (for obvious reasons). Politics/Religion

-------COMMON COMMENTER CHARACTERIZATIONS THAT MAY PROVE HELPFUL TO NOOBIES--------

(There is a chance that I offend some people here. That is not my intent. All in good fun. If you are not here, it's because I don't like you. Just kidding, it actually just means you are not important and I don't care about you. Just kidding, it just means I got lazy and this is already pretty long...and you're not important.)

ahnfire: Mod. If you fail to use a title for your image post, she will rip out your kidneys and feed them to your dog while you watch. Otherwise, she's ok.

BigCSouthside: I owe him a mention since this is mostly his fanpost. If he is angry, he will shoot puppies. But he's probably in the middle of a river right now.

Billy Charlesbois: Founder, GM, President, Director of Marketing, and equipment manager of the SCH Street Hockey Club. Spam his inbox if you're interested. He also defuckified my rollerblades, so he deserves a shout-out for that.

Bwana: Famous for his "gameday beer" posts, found in most pre-game threads.

chelischili7: A morning links person. I don't know much about this person yet, so this is a boring entry.

cliffkoroll: An old fart. Not to be confused with Cliff Koroll.

DesertHawk: Likes to pout when ignored. Dangerously close to being dropped from this list. But he is the creator and caretaker of The Dark Side of the Five Hole, where you can find all sorts of past SCH artwork and stuff...if it ever gets updated, that is.

eminemilie: Closeted diehard Blackhawks fan who insists on being known as a Wild fan. She even got press credentials and everything to back up this cover story. Minnesota is so barren of hang-out-with-able people that she has even come all the way to Chicago to play in the SCH Inline Hockey Club, where she runs around like Shaw looking to slam people into the concrete (just ask bauerspeed17). Her favorite player is Brandon Saad

flyersfaninchicago: Read the name. Provides informative stats. Not a troll.

GerDevine: Irish fan of the Wild for some delusional reason. mightmike D's real-life broster. That means brother/sister. Brother for the whole "actually a male" thing, but considered to be female because davisca (from OnTheForecheck) thought "Ger" stood for "Geraldine". GerDevine seems to have fully embraced his feminine side from this meme. Since he's in here, I have to add eminemilie too, or she'll just keep complaining.

Germware: A Scot. 95% sure he is Sean Connery.

gmh: former contributor to the site, producing legendary fanposts like this one on the Rat (possibly the best fanpost ever, except for this one of course). Currently AWOL (correction: gmh's fanpost may have actually been a Front-page piece and not an actual fanpost. Nonetheless, it's still awesome and she has produced other incredible fanposts)

Hack: Former 'Morning Links' dude before he was fired promoted. Still grieving over the loss of Brouwer.

hawks61: "Old" canadian fart wrapped in bacon. Don't argue with him, you are wrong.

JuliaM: Half of the new Morning Links team. Previously known as lungfish but a recent bribery scandal forced her to change her handle.

Katherine215: Had a thing with hawks61 for a while. Kind of kinky, involved syrup (Yeah, I wanted to reference the syrup meme. Big whoop). Currently AWOL. She finally found her way back! Then lost herself again

krome: "One of the few SCHers who knows what he’s talking about when talking about hockey & all its minutiae. Also a dirty old man. And an attorney, although that might just be repetitive." - ahnfire. Btw, Krome =/= chrome.

laaarmer: Old fart, probably talking to himself. Don't mind him, he'll find his way out on his own eventually.

LanceFister3: "funny 8-year old [but not really 8 years old] with instant access to gif for any conceivable occassion. Snarky drollery leads some to suspect he’s the reincarnation or spawn of meeshak, but lack of slavish devotion to Mike Babcock suggests otherwise." - cliffkoroll
"The worst thing that ever happened to SCH"

Marty-notimportant-Turco: Changed his name from JeromerINC just to be included in this list. That's dedication. It's weird, but he deserves it. Well, whether it's deserved or not is debatable, but I promised.

McClure (as a commenter): no, no, no, no, no. If he tells you to "hang up on yourself", you did something wrong. No, you do not remember him from such films as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" and "Dial 'M' for Murderousness".

meeshak: "He is never funny and currently playing hanging out with Kim Johnsson" -- hawks61

mightymke D: Our representative from Ireland. Amateur photoshopper and King of Fanpostland. Recently fixed the misspelling of his name. I think that makes him look a bit vain, don't ya think?

mjthor: 2009's Most Postingest Poster. Currently the SCH version of Obi-Wan's spirit (if Obi-Wan was a grumpy fuck). He appears at random times to display his omniscient wisdom, then disappears into the depths from which he cometh. Included in this list for homeland security purposes.

Apparently no one important has a name starting with N, O, P, Q, or R....odd.

Second City Southpaw: Other half of the Morning Links team. Probably up to something no good. Challenging CNS for the title of SCH's photoshoppiest photoshopper. Actually, he's gone now, I guess

Semi_Colon: Mostly rational Nuck fan and Nucks Misconduct (NM) resident. Not a troll.

soupy's spin-o-rama: He was sad that I kicked him out. So here he is again. Let's see if he can find this in his drunken stupor.

stacie7: Mod. Kool-Aid distributor. Does a bad job hiding her Canuck fanhood. Probably an NM spy. Also known as the Boopinator, due to an oddly named medical condition.

Toews-makes-funny-faces: TMFF. He is more important than soupy's spin-o-rama, so TMFF replaces SSOR.

Tuke: He is, or at least claims to be, a doctor. Thus, he's SCH's chief medical consultant and prescription filler for certain, um...drugs.

Tuke: "Hey, this Tuke guy is already up there!" Yeah, but I apparently forgot about him and hurt his feelings for not including him when I said I would. So this is his consolation. But this one will only stay if the Devils win Game 6 vs. Kings. But the Kings are currently leading 2-0, so...yeah.

VerStig: He's good with the numbers and the maths, but currently MIA He's back, too!

westy99: One of those annoying NM'ers that spends more time here than at NM. Is he a troll, a spy, a closet Blackhawks fan? We just don't know.


I will edit/add more at your suggestion, this is an ever growing tome of SCH lore, so I need your help.

Thanks to ahnfire, DesertHawk, The_FFF, burpchelischili, McClure, hawkeytalk, laaarmer, TMFF, herecomethehawks77, docks, Scott13, Mike Martin, and mightymike D for corrections/additions. And a special thanks to BigCSouthside for providing us with the original version (and most of the material for this one). Want to be thanked? Give me something to thank you for and fix my mistakes.

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