On The Road Again

So, the Ice-Capades Trip is upon us.. nine Road games for the Hawks, featuring our Friends in Vancouver, a first trip To Alberta of the season (Got that? Right? That other trip you think happened was just the DTs.. trust me, I'm a Scientist) followed by a Western States swing and rounding off VIA Nashville, New York and an exhibition game against some AHL team in Columbus. It may not be the long retreat from Moscow that Napoleon endured (weather conditions in Alberta will be MUCH worse) and I'm pretty sure Mao's famous Long March didn't involve knowing the way to San Jose but it's a gruelling slog regardless. Plus this'll be the longest gap between "Daggers" since Brutus accidentally brought a pastry brush to the Senate and had to run home to switch it before Cassius found out.

Now, we all know that these days Hockey Players travel in the very lap of luxury: charter planes, air-conditioned coaches (or dogsleds in Edmonton) and 5-Star Hotels are where it's at. However, despite all this, there's no place like home and it's little comforts. Therefore it should come as no surprise that the Hawks all like to add a few personal touches to the obligatory luggage of Hockey gear, iPods and natty suits (not you, Marian)

Having had a good, old-fashioned rummage through their luggage while their bus was "inadvertently" delayed by one of my worker monkeys pretending to spot Kim Johnsson in a diner across the road, I am in a position to provide you with a list of the little things that the Hawks need On The Road To Nowhere (sorry, Columbus)..

Dave Bolland:

I decided against delving into Bolland's large kitbag as it appeared to be moving. However, in the front pocket I found photocopies of the Statutes pertaining to False Imprisonment, Impersonation of a Clergyman and the success rates of Insanity Pleas in the Province of British Columbia. Oh and what appears to be a recipe.. I hope


Sean O'Donnell:

A brand-new, up to date Rand McNally, because he just found out that the wagon trains have in fact pushed on past the Rockies( And you were all expecting a joke about Depends or Geritol there weren't you?)

Marian Hossa:

Besides the usual Pierogis and Parenica, Hossa only packed his Diary.. we had a brief look at the page for 01/28/2012..

hossa diary

John Scott:

John always packs a good book for the Press Box.

Bryan Bickell:

Has also packed a good book for the Press Box. And a box of crayons to colour it in with.

Jonathan Toews:

Puzzlingly, all the Captain has packed are a couple of books on Cybernetics, a soldering iron and this picture:


Andrew Shaw:

Chuck Norris Andrew Shaw doesn’t use luggage; he just stuffs his clothes in a crocodile and hurls the crocodile to the city he’s going to visit. #FloggingAnExpiredEquineMammal

Patrick Sharp:

Right down near the bottom of Sharp's bag, underneath the hair-care products and grooming stuff, I found a curious thing. It appeared to be a picture of Sharp, but much older and uglier... as I watched another wrinkle appeared. Don't know what's going on there?

old sharp

And Finally, making his first appearance in one of these things:

Brendan Morrison:

Raspberry Beret has packed a Vancouver Guidebook as he understands that Downtown has undergone "Remodelling" since he lived there.*

*: Obligatory Riot Joke: hopefully once we all get to know Brendan better he'll provide funnier material. It would be great if he was a psycho Street dumb a robot really old really slow oh, I'm sure something will turn up..

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