A Newcomer's Guide To SCH

We've seen plenty of new faces around these parts of late and this has caused some of us to realise that SCH can seem a confusing and strange place, what with its arcane nicknames, bewildering jargon and laaarmer in full flow. Therefore we have designed this handy "Clip & Save"*guide to negotiating your way through your early days on SCH without causing unintentional offence (and don't worry! you'll be ready to cause the intentional kind before you know it!)

*We cannot take any responsibility for monitor damage, arm lacerations or electrocutions caused by your actually attempting to clip this article. And shouldn't you really be on SLGT?

So, You've Decided To Join SCH! Good for you! SCH will be your route, if used properly, to a whole new way of watching, learning and talking about Hockey. Here you'll:

Enjoy Erudite Hockey Talk!

Expand Your Vocabulary!!!

And, Last But Not Least, Make New Friends!!!

(Names and Nasty Personal Abuse removed at my Mum's insistence)

Looks like FUN doesn't it!! Bet you can't WAIT to get started!!

However there are some things you should know before you start in order to avoid upsetting people (unless you want to, of course) or, worse bringing down the "Wrath Of Mod".

So first things first, the Invaluable Jargon Buster (Kudos to BigCSouthside and the MIA Lancefister3)

From here we can move directly to the Do's & Don'ts:

DO: Feel free to comment on whatever Topic Du Jour you fancy, from Goalie Controversies to John Scott's Role.

DON'T: Be surprised when it's "Gently" implied that your opinions are those of a hideous, freakish animal..

DO: Take careful note of what the others around you are saying in their comments and what they are implying: it will help you to build a better understanding and fuller picture of who they are and what they mean.

DON'T: Under any circumstances try this with Hi, I'm Bob LeDonne

DO: Listen to what the Wise Old Dudes who grace this site with their knowledge and wisdom have to say (see cliffkoroll, laaarmer, hawks61 and wardrums for examples)

DON'T: Listen to what that bunch of doddering old fools who hang around here mumbling to themselves have to say (see cliffkoroll, laaarmer, hawks61 and wardrums for examples)

DO: Use the Fanpost/Fanshots section for your own insights, humour and interesting articles.

DON'T: Use them to make "Comedy" Posts filled with lazy, cheap jokes about Bolland being a Psycho or Kane being "Street". That's MY yard you're on, pal..

DO: Enjoy and comment on CNS' well executed and hilarious photoshops..

DON'T: Forget to Rec.. CNS in Withdrawals is not a pretty sight..

And Finally:

Spend some time on your Profile, after all it's the way people here will "see" you. Your Sig and Pic make that all-important 'First-Impression'. Let's look at some examples:

THE GOOD:

Notice how Germware has humourous comment plus a quote from the Blog as his Sig.. excellent choice. The picture implies mystery and infinity. You'll notice he is also talking about booze. This is never, ever a bad thing to do on SCH.

THE BAD:

No,no,no,no,no. Terrible poetry, pretentious subject matter and a chemistry joke. Where does he think he is, Grantland? Lousy picture too. But not as ugly as the real thing.

THE WORSE:

Oh Dear. If you see a profile like this, best to back away slowly. Under no circumstances attempt to engage the owner on the subject of Shanahan, Fighting, Patrick Kane's Level of Effort or how exactly you spell Bifugri.. Bydrunfi... Dat Buff Guy's name. You have been warned.

OK! So now you're ready to plunge into the wonderful world of SCH! We hope you have a great time. Just watch out for TMFF.. he'll mess you up good if you cross him.

(Massive Stick Tap and Full (Clean) Body Check to hairhelmet who gave me the idea for this.. so you know who to blame)