FanPost

SCH Through The Ages: Part Two


Good evening.. I'd like to remind all of you that our Third Line Center has some "Interesting" issues when it comes to the taking of human lif.. ann.. aaaaghhh..hunnghh... St. Louis hgtwakgyyuy... Backes ...cthulul f'tgahen... aggghh Reaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaves... ......... ............

Hi, all. Pang Pang the Monkey here.

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mmD was about to write an hilarious Fanpost that, from his notes, seemed to revolve around Dave Bolland's inability to integrate himself into normal society and the hideous things he does as a result. Sadly he went straight into a Hate-Frenzy on reading the Pre-Game Post and has had to be restrained by Ning-Nong and Boom-Boom (two of the other monkeys who do all the real work around here). They've managed to calm him down by diluting his Jameson with enough Thorazine to knock out three Slayer moshpits, however, this leaves us with a gap to fill in terms of the Fanpost. Luckily, in the same notebook that we found such random scribbles as "Bolland! He Skates On Blades Of Bones!" and "It Shaves The Ginger Off It's Chin Or It Gets The Keith Again", we found a few pages marked "Told Ahn I'd do this much sooner.. must get it posted soon. I Fear the Hammer! Oh, the Hammer!"

So, while we try to get this place back into some sort of order, here's the most recent findings of Prof. Bartimus O'Brannigan RIP part one is here

It seems that Professor O'Brannigan's studies have revealed further SCH-like traits going back into ancient times. The next article that his lawyers would allow me to see seems based on a new explanation of the Bayeux Tapestry, a 230ft long piece of cloth made in 1070AD that documents the Norman Invasion and Conquest of Britain. Traditionally , the Tapestry details the decision to invade Britain, the landing of the Norman Army and their subsequent victory over King Harold's army at Battle, near Hastings (they picked a good spot for it, eh?).

However, Prof O'Brannigan has found a few small rags from this period that seem to challenge the traditional explanation for the Norman's Victory.

They are countersigned "BaronNormandy'sNativeScion" and seek to break the Tapestry down into "Sheetcaps" to help understand the action. We have translated his comments to accompany the pictures.

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"Here we see the Noble Baron Q of Stacheville Instructing Patrique "Shortarm" Caneur to depart immediately from his seat for the Vile Foe's defensive stronghold"

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"Sadly, here we see that Patrigue is sore outnumbered and outmanned in this Stronghold Of Defense.. He attempteth to get his shot away but is clearly being impeded by the shield of the Knight behind him"

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"And now our Woe is complete as Shortarm taketh a mighty blow to his Noggin while the Enemy doth gallop to the other end for a Victory"

It doesn't end here, however....

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Now, I know what you're thinking:

"Wow, SLGT have really worked on their presentation". Sadly, no. These are instead some of the earliest daubings on a cave wall by Primitive Man. They seem to picture some sort of altercation between several large men armed with sticks. It also appears that two of them wear similar clothes, while the one with the different apparel seems to be about to inflict some violence on them. There is a school of thought that believes that this figure represents John Scott, however, as we know now, the Murdersaurus died out with the rest of the dinosaurs millions of years earlier. It's more likely that this is Neanderbollig Man, about to earn himself another five-minutes of TOI.

Finally, it appears that Prof O'Brannigan spent his last hours hanging out with Astrophysicists. The following snapshot has only been made possible by the massive advances in technology that allow us to look and hear back to the very first micro-seconds after the Universe was created in the "Big Check".. (no record if there was a Shanaban for a "Hit Directly Targeting The Singularity"

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Scientists at the Cern Facility in Switzerland took some time away from studying the possibilities of Particle Collision through Cristobal Huet's Five-Hole to decode basic radio signals from the very dawn of the universe.. they have called their findings the "Genesis Stat-Fight".. the following electro-magnetic and Radioactive pulses have been decoded coming from the basic particles that existed at the very beginning of the Universe.. it almost seems to be a conversation..

MUON:CNS55669/35/Alpha: "I believe that we have achieved a 90.567% chance of a Singularity which indicates that, should Sub-Atomic cooling revert to the mean,we'll see three separate particles combining to form matter. And the BJ's will never win the Cup"

TUMBB876/567: "Only if we take as given that Hydrogen is the first element. My opinion suggests that Helium may well be the first Particle created 0.00000000000000000056 nanoseconds after this conversation. Also, you're an asshole."

STAAAARMER: "Well, I formed in that time. Which I guess shows that stuff happens without stats.. I mean what are the chances of Full Nucleosynthesis happening? Must be "Luck", eh?...Wait, is that an egg?"*

*Answering that old chestnut right there...

Sean O'Donnell: "About time you guys showed up"

OK, mmD appears nearly awake now.. we'll untie him shortly and let him loose upon SCH.. it seems to keep him happy.

Let's Go Hawks, signed,

Pang-Pang, Ning-Nong and Boom-Boom.

(and for anyone who wants to point out that a Chimpanzee is not a monkey but a Great Ape, closer cousins to us than Aunt Doreen's family in Ohio.. you know, with Cousin Steve who couldn't breathe if you stapled his lips shut and Cousin Mavis who likes to eat Squirrel... well, my Artistic Licence just got renewed for another season.. so up yours!.. Cliff)


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