Dear NHL Fans (and the media...even though you ignore us),
Hello! Wow, what a great time to be a hockey fan! The playoffs are upon us, and we've already seen some amazing things so far! Days worth of penalty minutes, some WWE style hits, people getting tossed from games, and oh yeah, some thrilling hockey too!
Recently, the Department of Player Safety has come under attack from the fans and the 5 members of the media that care for a lack of action, or a lack of consistency in some of our disciplinary rulings. To address this matter as the man in charge of player safety, I am publishing this video today to explain some of the intricate inner workings of how our department handles these important issues that face our sport. Hopefully, after you watch this, you will understand, I'm kind of making this up as I go along:
A Message From The Department of Player Safety (via cschalz)
Well, I sincerely hope that sheds some light onto the NHLDPS, and ENJOY THE REST OF THE SPECTACLE THAT IS THE NHL PLAYOFFS!
Yours in discipline and consistency,
PS. Since I probably won't have a job in this league soon, any email questions should be directed to B.Shanahan@NFL.com. Apparently they will hire anybody!. Thank you.
LATER THAT EVENING
Man, phone has been quiet. Guess the boys got the message after I suspended Shaw.
Yo, what up, its B-Shan the Ban Man!....what?....Hossa....stretcher you say?.....who the hell is Raffi Torres?.......I better call and let Gary know......of course he isn't watching, have you ever talked to that guy about hockey?......shit, I thought I fixed this stuff.......yeah I'll hit you back after I find out how much Gary wants to fine this Torres guy....laterz!
Here is a vid I did last year. Get well 81.