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Joel Quenneville to shave mustache for playoff run

“Everyone knows how to coach against mustached Joel, but clean-shaven Joel?”

While his players grow out their beards for the Blackhawks’ upcoming postseason run, coach Joel Quenneville will be shaving off his iconic mustache as part of a strategy to keep other teams on their toes, according to reports. “Everyone knows how to coach against mustached Joel, but clean-shaven Joel?? Good luck,” a source said.

Quenneville has been rocking his legendary mustache for most of his life, which has led many people to believe he’s never existed without it. There are photos of him in the wild without the mustache, but they’re old and grainy. You know what else had old and grainy photos? The Roswell UFO crash.

So this COULD potentially be the first time that Quenneville has ever walked the Earth without a mustache, although some research indicates that children cannot grow facial hair. However, if any kid could grow facial hair, it’d probably be a 7-year-old Joel. It’s definitely possible.

But for now, we’re entering a brave new era of Blackhawks hockey, and the hope is that the visual change on the team’s bench will shake opponents. “You spend months game planning for mustached Joel, then you get no mustache? How do you even adjust for this,” the source said.

“I can’t grow a mustache, so I’m glad coach will finally stop shoving it in my face now,” captain Jonathan Toews said. It’s unconfirmed whether Quenneville is attempting to transfer his mustache magic to Toews, but the captain kept winking during his comments Saturday.

We reached out to Coach Q’s mustache’s official Twitter account, @CoachQsMustache, but it declined comment for this article, possibly because it’s a mustache and cannot express words or feelings. We’ll report the latest when we know more.

(April Foooooooooools!!!!! Wasn’t that fun!??!?!!? Our apologies to Joel Quenneville’s mustache and its family.)