Reviewing every Blackhawks player from the 2016-17 season in one paragraph each

The Chicago Blackhawks are out of the 2017 Stanley Cup Playoffs. They got swept in ugly fashion by the Nashville Predators, with a Game 4 loss on Thursday completing the beatdown that nobody saw coming. There’s going to be a lot of discussion in the coming days about how that happened, and what GM Stan Bowman can do to fix it.

Most of those posts will be long and dense with information about how the Blackhawks can reload on the fly. Between the expansion draft, free agency, and the draft, not to mention all those no-movement clauses, there are going to be a lot of moving pieces as we discover what next season’s team will look like.

So instead of that and getting too far ahead of ourselves, here’s a post that runs through every player that wore the red, black, and white this season in one paragraph each. Think of it as the speed dating version of postseason exit interviews. To keep it simple, they’re being ordered in terms of overall time on ice.

Corey Crawford

Sometimes you wish he was a little more consistent from week to week. Then you realize this was his fifth consecutive year of posting above-average numbers as a full-time starter in a league where goaltending stability is elusive.

Duncan Keith

Still one of the best offensive defensemen in the NHL, it’s hard not to ignore the trends in Keith’s possession metrics, however. Over the past four seasons, his even strength Corsi percentage has gone from 56.8 to 56.3 to 52.9 to 50.7. It’s a worrisome trend for someone who turns 34 in July.

Patrick Kane

Still one of the best pure scorers in hockey. The only difference between this season and his career-high 46 goals in an MVP campaign last year is that his shooting percentage dropped from 16 percent to 11.6 percent, with most of that decline coming on the power play.

Brent Seabrook

Seabrook is overpaid. There’s just no way around it after another middling season despite new playing partners. He’s a good power play defenseman, but shouldn’t be such a big focal point of the system. And his performance at even strength is solid at best. This season, Seabrook made $9 million with a cap hit near $7 million. Nope.

When your friends make you go to the club pic.twitter.com/ui8QAhjgAV

— Second City Hockey (@2ndCityHockey) January 18, 2017

Scott Darling

Biggest bargain on the team. Go get paid, man, because there’s really no way a backup goalie as good as Darling should’ve been making relative peanuts at $600,000. At age 28, this is the time to Darling to prove himself in a bigger role.

Artemi Panarin

The bonus. The bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus the bonus. Arvydas Sabonis. Panarin is so, so damn good, but this season will be remembered for two things: the one-timers, and the bonus. Hopefully he spends the summer working with coaches to mix up his game a bit.

Niklas Hjalmarsson

The Hawks need to find a partner who works well with Hjalmarsson, and it’s not Keith with Hjammer on his offside. That pairing wasn’t terrible, but the Hawks should be able to find a better mix in their top four. This was the first time that Hjalmarsson has ever posted negative even strength possession numbers in his career.

Brian Campbell

Best part of the season:

When you score the game-winning goal pic.twitter.com/BIXOGPLo9o

— Satchel Price (@SatchelPrice) March 5, 2017

Take that as you will.

Jonathan Toews

Oh, the captain. Please score 35 goals next season so people will stop making fun of you.

Marian Hossa

A year after stumbling to a career-low 13 goals, Hossa bounced back with 26 at age 38. Only 11 players in NHL history have scored more goals at that age or older. Yes, it’s largely because of unsustainable shooting percentage, but this was still an amazing turnaround for someone with several years still on his contract.

Richard Panik

Before this season: 181 games, 25 goals, 22 assists
This season: 82 games, 22 goals, 22 assists

Also, the goal of the year:

Are you not entertained?

Um, yes, we are definitely entertained, Rich. #PanikAtTheUC pic.twitter.com/cskY3Ppjx1

— Chicago Blackhawks (@NHLBlackhawks) March 2, 2017

Enough said.

Artem Anisimov

An extremely good year that will be primarily remembered for the fact that he wasn’t healthy in the playoffs. Or at least, we assume he wasn’t healthy because the Predators skated circles around him for four games.

Trevor van Riemsdyk

In the eyes of many, TVR managed to rehabilitate his image after a brutal 2015-16 season. He looked much more comfortable lower in the lineup, and surpassed his point total from a year ago despite playing in 24 fewer games. Just enough to convince Vegas to pick him!

Marcus Kruger

Kruger kept doing Kruger things, but the problem was that the Blackhawks needed more without a clear No. 3 center. Kruger keeps proving he’s not that, even though his cap hit over $3 million suggests he should be able to do it. Kruger is a great shutdown fourth liner, though, and that’s where he belongs on a championship team.

Ryan Hartman

Tied for third among NHL rookies in even strength goals behind Auston Matthews and Patrik Laine. That’s the big takeaway from Hartman’s rookie season, even if the playoffs underlined how he needs to control his wild side a little more.

Nick Schmaltz

Watch out for Schmaltz next season. Part of what’s apparent with the rookie is how confidence impacts his game. He looked so good in the final weeks of the season after finding his shooting mojo in the AHL, but the Predators quickly shook him with their speed and intensity in the postseason. If he can overcome that and keep pace now that he’s seen it firsthand, Schmaltz has the ability to be a true top-six forward.

Dennis Rasmussen

This guy is straight up underrated. Rasmussen is precisely what you want on the bottom six: size, defensively responsible, willing to hit a bit, and just enough offensive artistry to keep defenses guessing. He’ll never score much, but if you want a hyper-defensive shutdown line, Rasmussen is the rare player who can do that.

Michal Kempny

It seems like he’s becoming the new David Rundblad — strong underlying metrics, but the team has no patience for his occasional errors in the defensive end. It’s not hard to wonder whether this year goes better if the Hawks just stick with him from Day 1 and let him work through his mistakes, though.

Tanner Kero

A very good depth player who frankly shouldn’t have a big role on a Stanley Cup contender. He’s not exceptional in any area, whether it’s skating, shooting, defense, or playing with an edge, and while he’s not terrible in any area, either, that general lack of an elite skill holds him back. The Hawks cannot go Kero-Kruger as their bottom-six centers again.

Vinnie Hinostroza

Finally a new player who actually adds speed to the lineup. Hinostroza needs to polish up the rest of his game because his speed is a real game-changer at times to the Hawks’ look.

Gustav Forsling

Rushed to the big leagues before he was quite ready, Forsling still has a very bright future in Chicago. Those 38 NHL appearances provided him some useful experience at 20 years old, and hopefully he’ll be able to acclimate quickly next season.

Andrew Desjardins

One point in 46 games. One point. Desjardins is a fine depth forward given his defensive ability, but that’s not gonna cut it.

Tyler Motte

Some good moments, but the end results were still just seven points and a 42.9 percent even strength Corsi in 33 games. There’s a reason why he’s been in the AHL since early January.

Michal Rozsival

Here’s your reminder that the Blackhawks already re-signed Rozsival for next season. As long as he’s playing sparingly like he did this season, it’s not a big deal.

Jordin Tootoo

Similar story to Rozsival, although Tootoo actually played regularly despite his lack of production. Hopefully the Blackhawks have enough depth next season that Tootoo won’t need to be called on as much.

Johnny Oduya

Well that reunion went about as well as the time I tried to eat Taco Bell without being intoxicated. Also they were out of Baja Blast. At least it only cost the Blackhawks a third-round pick.

Tomas Jurco