Editor’s Note – This post has run the last 3 years as a primer for everyone who grew a playoff beard. We’re bringing it back again this year for the benefit of any newbies. – McClure
While some may argue the origins of the tradition, it is now standard practice to abandon any chance of looking like an adult fit for society by not shaving while your team is involved in the playoffs. Some teams have gotten creative in past years, as the Canadiens a few years back all grew Fu Manchus, and the New Jersey Devils, on the brink of elimination, carved their beards into what can only be described as creepy uncle moustaches. There are few sights in this world more humorous than Scott Gomez with a dirt-lip moustache if you’ve ever had the pleasure of beholding such a sight.
With that being said, here are a few of the guidelines that I follow, and I will be growing a hideous, Orton-esque neck beard during the Blackhawks‘ playoff run, however long it lasts.
- Become completely clean shaven before the first game. Give yourself a nice baselilne to work with, tabula rasa, if you want to get all academic. This is metaphorical for the team as well, as everything from the regular season is wiped away with the start of the “real” season. Personally, I will be shaving this evening for what will hopefully be the the last time until June.
Your facial hair is to remain untouched during the duration of the playoff run. No sculpting, no trimming, no anything. No blade to face in any way, shape, or form until the playoffs end, either pleasantly or unpleasantly. I don’t care how unkempt it gets, victory has a price that you need to be willing to pay.
To those with pre-existing facial hair, it’s recommended that you go clean shaven, but if you’re not willing to part with your long standing beard, goatee, or even the vaunted “geard”, then it must be trimmed down to the bare minimum. Of the four of us, neither Hack nor I rock consistent facial hair, but Killion will be losing his glorious everyday beard in favor of a freshly grown playoff beard, and though Sam cannot bring himself to fully part with his Scott Ian goatee, he’s going to be trimming it down.
And that’s that. It’s pretty simple, really. So, throw away those razors. It’s time to beard up. Now for what everyone’s been waiting for……
April 10 – Beard of the Day – Wayne Coyne
It’s important to start these sorts of things off on the right note, which is why we’re going with Wayne Coyne, lead singer and principle whack job of The Flaming Lips. Much like the 2011-2012 Blackhawks, Coyne is capable of both moments of unsurpassed sublime brilliance (Transmissions From The Satellite Heart, The Soft Bulletin), as well as work that makes one question just how much acid had to be ingested for such a production (Zaireeka). Perhaps most importantly though, Coyne has provided very succinct and prescient words of wisdom for the upcoming weeks; words the Hawks should take to heart with the Captain apparently back in the fold- Turn it on and all the way up.