While some may argue the origins of the tradition, it is now standard practice to abandon any chance of getting laid by not shaving while your team is involved in the playoffs. Some teams have gotten creative in past years, as the Canadiens a few years back all grew Fu Manchus, and the New Jersey Devils, on the brink of elimination, carved their beards into what can only be described as child-molester moustaches. There are few sights in this world more humorous than Scott Gomez with a dirt-lip moustache. (If anyone can find any YouTube footage of a postgame interview I remember him giving while ‘stached, please share it. It’s priceless)
As Hawks fans, it’s been a while since we’ve been able to participate in this phenomenon, so here are a few of the guidelines that I follow, and I will be growing a hideous, Orton-esque neck beard during the Blackhawks’ playoff run, however long it lasts. As I said, these are the rules I follow, feel free to add your own. Sam and Killion may have a few addendums of their own, for the exceptions of voluntarily bald guys and guys that already have beards before the playoffs begin, respectively.
- Become completely clean shaven the day before the first game. Give yourself a nice baselilne to work with, tabula rasa, if you want to get all academic. This is metaphorical for the team as well, as everything from the regular season is wiped away with the start of the “real” season.
Your facial hair is to remain untouched during the duration of the playoff run. No sculpting, no trimming, no anything. No blade to face in any way, shape, or form until the playoffs end, either pleasantly or unpleasantly. I don’t care how unkempt it gets, or how little you will get laid as a result, victory has a price that you need to be willing to pay.
And that’s that. It’s pretty simple, really. So, throw away those razors. It’s time to beard up.
Beard(s) Of The Day:
And in honor of everyone going caveman, we’re going to be bringing you an impressive or famous beard every day until the Hawks win it all (lets not mention elimination). So for today – It’s Mastodon. Here’s a video for everyone to enjoy involving a guitar-playing unfrozen caveman, who themselves have epic beards that should serve as role models to all of us.
Sorry, I was just looking for an excuse to post this video.
Addendum – Killion here… I say that if you started to grow the beard as soon as the Hawks clinched than you’re allowed to keep it – no need to shave again before Thursday’s game. I’ve had a beard for a few years now and I plan on going with a Marty-like perfect short beard on Wednesday and then leaving it alone…