Chicago fans don’t take their sports — or star athletes — lightly. When we get a good one, we hold on tight, spinning off yarns of Kyle Calder, Craig Krenzel and Marcus Fizer to remind everyone how much worse it used to be. Indeed, I grew up in an era where the city’s greatest star was Sammy Sosa. No need to further discuss why that’s lame.
So when we get a Derrick Rose, or a Patrick Kane, or a Jay Cutler, we get a little excited sometimes. And when a guy like that gets injured, well, we’ve resorted to building shrines to appease whatever sports gods keep deciding to take them away from us:
Yes, that would be a Kane memorial outside Johnny O’Hagans, an Irish pub in Wrigleyville, best known as the home of the Cubs and drunken 20-somethings. It was likely inspired by another shrine, built for Rose, underneath the Fullerton overpass.
Now, there are probably two things you’re thinking right now: (a) Building a shrine for an injured hockey player? THAT’S RIDICULOUS. (b) Man, I really hope that shrine works.
And guess what? I’m officially declaring that it does. Since the shrine was erected over the weekend, the Blackhawks have a stunning 100 percent winning percentage. They’re scoring THREE times as many goals as their opponents, and Patrick Sharp is on a 164-goal pace.
Try to prove it’s not the shrine. You can’t, can you? That’s the almighty power of the hockey gods at work. Unfortunately, there aren’t any clavicle gods to pray to, otherwise we’d probably have Kane back in the lineup right now, with Lucky Charms in one hand and a Green River in the other.
But we’ve already seen the power of the shrine. It is not to be doubted. The cosmic forces have heard our cries and reached out to help. Long live the shrine. Long live the hockey gods. Long live Saint Patrick Kane.
(Seriously dude get back soon because WE WANT THAT CUP. I WANT IT RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. )